Tag: vibrators

Man U and me.

This evening I wolfed down peri-peri chicken, lay on the couch, watched the soccer and drank an ice cold beer.

It was perfect.

And Man U won.

Then I washed my face, brushed my teeth, flossed, put on moisturiser and got into bed.

I reached into my bedside drawer to get my book and okay look maybe I can’t hold my beer but I just have to share with you, it is the perfect drawer.

There are two vibrators, a bit of pot, a couple of sleeping tablets, some old sparklers and a small bottle of airplane whisky.

There was no book.

But still.

I’m your DREAM GIRL.

Moisturised, minty-breathed, buzzed, not reading but then I can’t be perfect, wearing cosy pyjamas and very very sleepy.


Call me in the morning?

Maybe we’ll light the sparklers.


On kindness.

Somebody did something extraordinarily kind for me today. I hadn’t asked for help but he knew I needed it. And just like that, he did this thing for me. A big thing. A ton of work thing. An amazing thing.

I feel blown away. Overwhelmed.

I do kind things. Small, kind things. I tip the car guards, I’m nice to waiters and I always say please and thank you. I’m that person who greets cashiers even when they are fuck awful rude to me, I say hi to fellow walkers and I help little old ladies cross the road.

I can also be rude. I often give the finger to bad drivers and I draw the line at greeting people in elevators, but that’s kinda obvious. That’s not even unkind.

But I don’t often do huge good deeds. Something that takes up a lot of time. Something real for nothing in return.

I feel so lucky at the ‘gift’ that I received. And I want to pay it forward.  I think as much as I loved receiving, I think this guy loved giving too.

So I want to share my skills.

I can’t exactly share my sexy stockings, underwear or g-spot stimulator.  I can’t share my vibrators, ticklers or handcuffs.

But I can share my veggies.  I’ve just picked all the spinach growing in my garden and I’m dropping it off at the shelter down the road.

It feels like a small gesture. And I’d like to do more. I think it’s time for some real community service

Anybody need anything?  For real. I’m ready. Give me a call.

I may even share my handcuffs.


The thing about Orgasms

The thing about having an orgasm is that it is so fucking good. It starts off with a small pulsing sensation, everything tingles, your clit, oh my god your clit, you can’t breathe, your body feels like it’s going to explode, your hands reach out to hold something, his back, the sheets, your own shoulder, your body shakes, you want it to last forever, you think you’re going to collapse, you do collapse, and then – you get incredibly sleepy.

And greedy. Because once you’ve had one orgasm you want another. And another.

Orgasms are exhausting. I know because I had about ten yesterday and this morning I feel like I’ve run a marathon. But a really good marathon. I can feel every single part of my body aching, my legs, calves, my stomach, even my hands – but mostly – my inner thighs. It’s a fantastic feeling and I want more and more.

Orgasms are good for you. Sex, or masturbation, should be up there on the good health list. Eat five fruits and vegetables, drink a ton of water, and orgasm daily. Women with active sex lives, or who masturbate, always have good legs. Shapely calves. Hard, strong upper arms. Toned butts. Their skin glows and their hair shines. They walk around with mysterious smiles. They’re happy.

I’m happy.

I’m a little tired but really tempted to pick up my vibrator again this morning. It’s all in the name of research and I haven’t quite finished my reviews. I think I’m going to run a bath, add bubbles, slip off my clothes and choose a new toy.

This is going to be quite a long project.  Lucky me.