Tag: vibrator

This may be the end

I’ve just been to the Kruger National Park for a couple of days and gosh, it was astonishing. The game lodge, Africa on Foot, is gorgeous and rustic, we had elephant wandering through camp, saw lion bring down a buffalo, met fabulous people, swam, ate delicious food, watched the birds and bees, ambled with giraffe and drank single malt under magnificent African sunsets.

Now I’m back home and my job is to write a travel story, praising Africa on Foot, who definitely deserve praising.

But it’s really hot.

It was hot in Kruger, over forty degrees, and it’s really hot back home in Jozi too.

Which means it’s impossible to focus. Or to wear clothes. I can feel the sun on my skin and there’s sweat dripping down my cleavage. I cannot imagine stringing a sentence together let alone think of using punctuation.

So instead of writing a fabulous and original travel blog,  I googled ‘best game lodge.’ I thought of course Africa on Foot would pop up and I could cheat a little with the story.

But the heat got to me and I somehow googled ‘best sex toys’ instead.

Reader!

There are some fabulous sex toys out there.

I found a platinum vibrator covered with diamonds that sells for over eight thousand dollars, a dream love chair for ten thousand, and a very expensive royal dildo that makes you cry out in ecstasy every time a sapphire hits your g-spot.

It costs a million dollars and apparently Victoria Beckham has one.

There’s also a silver butt plug which I will not try or buy but it is kinda fascinating. It has a horse hair tail and who knew butt plugs had tails at all but okay, anyway, horse hair, horses, this brings me back to animals.

We saw, up close and personal, lion and leopard, rhino, buffalo, hippo, all the plains game and beautiful birds.

We oohed and aahed our way through every sighting.

Much the same one would do with a royal vibrator.

I imagine.

Anyway.

It’s still very hot.

So hot I’m struggling with grammar, spelling and punctuation.

So hot I may never write a Violet post again.

So hot I need lots of ice in my whisky.

I need a cold shower.

I need to cool down.

Or maybe I need a royal gold sapphire and pearl encrusted million dollar hits that g-spot every time vibrator.

Happy holidays!

royal

http://www.africaonfoot.com

A date

I have a liaison coming up, I cannot wait and I want to make sure everything is just perfect. I’ve swept the house, washed the curtains, scrubbed the kitchen table and now I’m polishing the bed posts.

I’ve checked the drawers and my handcuffs are there. Good, I was worried I’d lost them.

I think I’m going to buy two silk scarves as well.

He told me they must be silk.

My vibrator is fully charged.

He loves to sit on the chair and watch me use it.

I love him watching.

He suggested I buy another toy as well, a clit stimulator.  He really likes that.  So do I.

Oh my god, I am nervous!

I have a shopping list. It’s tucked in my jeans pocket and I’m heading to the shops now.

Silk knickers
Silk scarves
Champagne
One cigar, Rocky Road Ice Cream
Crave Vesper
Lube, because maybe, just maybe, my ass will get involved.
Chocolate bon bons, chocolaté truffles, chocolate.

It’s the best kind of shopping list.  I always get a bit shy buying the lube, but hey, I’m a big girl now.  Then I’m going to come home, have a bubble bath, splash on a bit of perfume, get dressed and wait for him to call.

To text.

It’s an online date.

A cyber date. A cyber sext text fuck me now date.

Right
over
here.

SilksTeaser1-1024x738

N.B. The Crave Vesper is a new clitoral stimulator.

I shall review it.  Soon.

Political porn

Violet:

She looks longingly

At her vibrator

Removes her clothing

Gets cosy on the daybed

Flips the switch

And plays

While the gentle buzzing sound

Blocks out

The anger

The fear

And the ranting

Of the scared.

Politics, she decides

Can wait.

legs

Dear Violet

The most exciting mail that I got today read like this:-

‘Dear Violet. I’m so impressed by your DIY as shown on your blog. Can you please give me more info on the stools and table?’

Hah, fabulous!

Usually, I get asked questions about the best place to meet a man, the most succesful dating apps, or where to find the g-spot.

Through my table building process, I have realised that DIY is very similar to sex.

It is very bloody satisfying.

A package arriving at the door is like foreplay.

Coaxing bits and pieces out of the bubble wrap is stimulating.

Fiddling around with screws and nails, kinda bloodcurdling.

Discovering the use of the Allan Key is as good as finding your g-spot.

And using a drill is the equivalent of a multiple orgasm.

The only difference is that DIY should be done under bright lights whereas sex is often best in the dark.

DIY, like sex, is not always easy.

But it is usually fun.

And I have had too much fun.

I’m afraid I may be a little obsessed so please excuse me while I look for my hammer.

I’m wearing a hard hat instead of heels and gloves instead of a garter belt.

And I’m sorry, dear reader.

But I may never pick up my vibrator again.

Sex Toys.

I won’t be blogging today but I will be testing out sex toys!

So bear with me

While I gasp my way through the weekend

With lotions and potions

Waterproof bullets, kissing swans

Candle wax

Massage oil

Bondage tape

Ticklers

Handcuffs

And

The very fancy very pretty and very sexy

Fifi rabbit vibrator.

See ya next week…

.

Shopping for sex toys.

There’s something about walking into a sex toy shop that is always a little intimidating. I shop at The Bedroom In Parkhurst which is magnificent and once inside it is private, gorgeous, beyond sexy and totally unthreatening.

But still – you gotta park outside, ring the doorbell and wait just a few seconds while they open up for you. And in those seconds you imagine that every single person driving past slows down, recognises you, raises an eyebrow and thinks ‘Oh my, what is Violet buying now.’

The women who work here are super professional. They make buying sex toys into the most delicious, personal and sensual but ordinary thing.  Which it is, and there is absolutely no need to feel embarrassed.

But still. It can be tricky.

This time around I was looking for a new vibrator. Mine, and I have two, have been brilliant but are getting a little worn around the edges.

They were both expensive (if you’re going to use a sex toy, which you should, use a good one), but also, I felt like experimenting.

‘Just looking’, I said to the lovely saleswoman who asked me discreetly if I needed any help.

Twenty minutes later I was still ‘just looking’. The range is enormous. How was I going to make a decision. It isn’t like you can test them in the dressing room and then choose.

I settled on the Swan range because oh my gosh they are just so sexy to look at and they all had fab reviews; but there are Silver Swans, Whooper Swans and Kissing Swans and how on earth do you know which Swan will be best for you.

Also, you can leave a Swan lying around and your kids will think it’s an artwork. Dinner visitors too. I know, because it happened last night.

Anyway…

I asked for help, which I got, in an accomplished and professional manner, and I selected my Swan. I then got a bit carried away in the lingerie section, bought a few presents for my girlfriends, gasped at the anal toys, decided I needed a second Swan, and eventually paid my bill and left with a brown paper bag in hand.

I lie. I had two brown bags.

Okay. Three. I’d bought a lot of goodies.

I made it to the car without tripping, still imagining that everyone driving by was staring at me, and I went to meet my best friend forever to give her her present.

She took it out the brown bag, looked at it, smiled, and said -‘Violet, thank you, darling, so useful, it’s just what I needed.’

‘Your hubby will like it too’, I said.

‘John? He couldn’t wear this, too small, too silky, but thank you’.

She wrapped the silk blindfold around her neck, as an accessory, thinking it was a scarf.

Oh, dear sweet Goddess, how was I ever going to teach her?

I groaned, very tempted to take it back and keep it for myself.

Thank goodness I didn’t give her the Whooping Swan. She would’ve used it as a kitchen blender.

vibe