Quite a few men come forward, on various platforms, when I write about sex or sex toys. They ask questions, they have ideas, they quite like the open discussions. Which sometimes make me smile, and other times has me shrieking at home, alone, in … Continue reading Hang on, are you Sophia?
I try and recycle. Plastic, paper and glass are all separated. It’s not always easy and sometimes I don’t do a great job. But it’s mostly straightforward. Milk cartons – paper. Wine bottles – glass. Everything from Woolworths and Pick N Pay – plastic. But … Continue reading But is it plastic?
I recently joined a new exercise class. The instructor is fantastic, works us really hard and after each class I always say ‘God I’m never gonna walk again…’
It’s usually the only thing I say. I don’t talk much during the class because of the PAIN IN MY THIGHS, also I like to focus on my breathing, count the crunches, 12, 13, 14, 101, hey that’s 200, keep going, 201, sweet jesus this is hard work.
Other people are chatty. They talk about their kids, their work, their partners and their problems. I listen but I don’t join in.
Until the last class.
I moaned. Not my usual ‘Ow this is really hard’ but I kind of exhaled the ‘Ooooow oooooh this is really hard.’
‘You make the pain sound sexy,’ said my instructor.
‘Well I am a sex writer, ‘ I replied. ‘I can make anything sound sexy.’
The class drew to a halt.
I had finally spoken in my exercise class.
And it was up to me to speak a little bit more.
I told them about my blog and the name of it and how sometimes I test sex toys and which are the best sex toys but the most brilliant thing – I kept on squeezing my gluteus maximus.
402, 403, 404…
Reader. This is a breakthrough moment.
Not only have I finally spoken in my exercise class but I have the best butt in my exercise class.
Everyone else has rushed out to buy sex toys.
Now it’s just me.
And I don’t have to talk to anyone.
The other night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, had weird dreams, watched Netflix, made tea, still couldn’t sleep, messed around online, eventually smoked a small joint. I slept. And in the morning I did yoga. Cat pose, child’s pose and cobra pose. I’m … Continue reading OM
There’s a fabulous job being offered in the UK at the moment and it sounds totally pleasurable. The pay is 28 thousand pounds a month and all you gotta do is test sex toys. I want this job. I can do this job. I will … Continue reading I’ll do anything, except…
There’s a fabulous dive bar in my hood and last time I went there with my girlfriends we got a little bit drunk, planned a trip to Bali and the next day we’d booked our air tickets and were already trying on bikinis. Last night … Continue reading Looking for a mechanic.
Remember that scene in Pulp Fiction where Uma OD’d on heroin then Travolta smashes the injection into her chest and zing boom she comes back to life. I felt like that just after I got a call from the Apple store to say ‘Mrs Online, … Continue reading High