Tag: murder

Prickly

I have woken up prickly.

‘You have odd choice in men, Violet.’

WHAT! That is what my BFF told me this morning.

I could’ve taken it in the humorous way that it was meant but I have a headache and am getting the flu and sometimes you just want to be told you have a fabulous haircut and the best shoes, even if it isn’t true, and I am filled with self pity because I’ve had the worst haircut and do have odd choice in men and I just didn’t feel like hearing it this morning.

So. I am changing my tune. And have written a new manual.

HOW TO MURDER A GIRLFRIEND.

Tell her you are going to murder her.

And then laugh and cry and get over it and move on and love her anyway and take all your prickliness out on your hairdresser and buy new shoes.

That is all.

BOOM.

coffee

How to plan a murder

So the guy that I quite like told me he’s kinda busy for a while and I said no problem see you in 2018, and he said okay.

HE SAID OKAY.

Reader.

How shall I murder him?

Cut off his head.
Strangle him with stockings.
Poison the almonds.
Handcuff him to the bed.
Slap him with suspenders.
Stab him with stilettos.
Kiss him in public.
Steal food off his place.
Call him babe.
Fuck him to death.

Or:-

I could just propose.

Hey babe, wanna get married.

BOOM.

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