I had dinner with my writing group last night. It only took 300 emails, 175 phone calls, 78 WhatsApps and 6 restaurant reservations to sort out the evening. It was a celebration. A birthday celebration and a celebration that in our 4 years together, there’ve … Continue reading OMG is dinner tonight
I once said that working from home was 30 percent working and 70 percent checking the fridge I was wrong it’s ninety percent checking the fridge and ten percent online shopping. Oops, never been good at math.
I recently joined a new exercise class. The instructor is fantastic, works us really hard and after each class I always say ‘God I’m never gonna walk again…’
It’s usually the only thing I say. I don’t talk much during the class because of the PAIN IN MY THIGHS, also I like to focus on my breathing, count the crunches, 12, 13, 14, 101, hey that’s 200, keep going, 201, sweet jesus this is hard work.
Other people are chatty. They talk about their kids, their work, their partners and their problems. I listen but I don’t join in.
Until the last class.
I moaned. Not my usual ‘Ow this is really hard’ but I kind of exhaled the ‘Ooooow oooooh this is really hard.’
‘You make the pain sound sexy,’ said my instructor.
‘Well I am a sex writer, ‘ I replied. ‘I can make anything sound sexy.’
The class drew to a halt.
I had finally spoken in my exercise class.
And it was up to me to speak a little bit more.
I told them about my blog and the name of it and how sometimes I test sex toys and which are the best sex toys but the most brilliant thing – I kept on squeezing my gluteus maximus.
402, 403, 404…
Reader. This is a breakthrough moment.
Not only have I finally spoken in my exercise class but I have the best butt in my exercise class.
Everyone else has rushed out to buy sex toys.
Now it’s just me.
And I don’t have to talk to anyone.
‘Hey Violet, we’re looking for someone who can write short stories for XXX movies, around 1000 words per movie, are you interested?’ I immediately replied yes, sure, interested, thanks, send the work through. I love writing a little adult literature. I have fun writing it, … Continue reading Confessions of a porn writer
My first words at the Nirox Word festival were ‘You gotta be kidding?’. This was me after paying a pretty steep R 360 entrance fee, having my water and snacks confiscated and then being asked for another R 100 for a yoga session. But in … Continue reading Words
The thing about a holiday is that it has to end. And I always forget what happens to me when I get home. I feel miserable. I take days to settle and mostly I feel a little low and a little weepy. I have feelings … Continue reading Aftermath of a Holiday
I was going to write about BOOKS and bloody autocorrect changed it to BOOBS and thank the sweet goddesses because whom amongst us reads books anymore anyway. My reading has taken a severe dip. This is not a good thing. In fact, it makes things … Continue reading Boobs