I know I’m lacking in sleep or something because today I cried when a Bowie song came on the radio, cried when I read about a lost dog and god I hope they find him, and cried watching the news coming out of Syria. I … Continue reading Sob
A few months ago I noticed I was putting on weight. My tummy was a little rounder, my thighs a little plumper and my breasts were kind of spilling out everywhere. I do not like being overweight. But I also struggle to diet. I tried … Continue reading Cherries and other dangerous things.
Everyone’s doing lists of what they achieved in 2017 and I’m a bit anxious that I can’t remember what I achieved other than I made the perfect steak and bought a new frock and oh god what if I am only remembered for my perfect … Continue reading Peace
The year is still 2017 and I have just a couple of days left before my marathon welcome to the New Year one two or three night stand. Of course it’s been Christmas and there’s been lobster, champagne, wine, mince pies and more mince pies, … Continue reading Goddammit Jesus
One of the comments on my blog this week was from a woman who works as an escort in Spain. ‘I found your blog’ she wrote. ‘I work for an escort agency in Europe and would be very keen to collaborate with you. Please let … Continue reading Escorts, hookers, call girls, me
I stood up to kiss ‘A’ hello.
Hug her actually; I am the hugging kind.
‘Oh my gosh you smell delicious,’ I said.
She really did, her perfume divine.
‘Oh dear god you too,’ she whispered, burrowing her face into my neck.
We clung on to each other for a bit longer than we should have. Like, maybe a whole five minutes longer.
A great hug. A tight hug. A very close hug.
A pressing against each other kind of hug.
And then we sat down on either side of the table, surrounded by friends.
Our friends who were a little bit drunk.
‘Hey girls, what about a threesome?’
We both laughed, smelled each others necks again, held hands, giggled and then came up with every excuse in the world.
‘No, we don’t want to mess up the friendship.’
‘Ah can’t do it, we have to work tomorrow.’
‘Dammit I’m keen but I had my hair done today, no way I’m messing it up.’
‘Midweek’s not great, also I haven’t worn my best underwear.’
We all carried on talking, drinking, arm wrestling and then hours later, it was time to go home.
Hugs and kisses all round, goodbye.
‘A’ and I kissed and hugged again, both of us were thinking – should we, should we maybe, we kind of wanted to, why not, this would be a first for me, not so sure for her, but hey…
One of the guys called out – ‘Hey girls, wanna give that threesome a little bit more thought?’
We looked at each other.
‘Sorry Boys. Nope. No way. No threesome.’
But we did hug again.
And smell each other again.
And carry on kissing…
Because I’m too cold to have sex, and also apparently lazy, I’m spending a lot of time under a blanket with a fabulous pile of books.
My laptop’s next to me too, so when a blog on Sex Positions popped into my inbox I immediately put my book down and paid serious attention.
Thirty eight positions, I read. Quite impressive. I wondered how many of them I knew. Or had maybe tried.
The first four were pretty cool and actually, no surprises here. Missionary, doggy style, etc.
Then I got to number five.
First sentence. Face sitting can be very hot.
Yip, I thought immediately. Hot. Sweaty. Like, his crotch in your face and you can’t breathe and you’re already so damn hot and now you’re going to get even hotter and dammit it’s boiling in here and pass the water, fan me, it’s a heatwave, a drought, oh god a heart attack, I’m dying…
Of course as I read on I realised they didn’t mean hot on fire hot. They meant sexy hot, oh my gosh hot, this is so damn good hot, oh yes shove your crotch even deeper please now oh more more god so hot hot I’m coming.
I never got to number six. Sadly I knew these positions were not for me.
I closed my laptop and went back to my book.
A sweet romantic love story. Much safer. Much cooler.
Much easier to cope with.
N.B. Number three also had me like fuck no. And – I glanced at number eighteen. What, how, where is her body?