Category: sport

Man U and me.

This evening I wolfed down peri-peri chicken, lay on the couch, watched the soccer and drank an ice cold beer.

It was perfect.

And Man U won.

Then I washed my face, brushed my teeth, flossed, put on moisturiser and got into bed.

I reached into my bedside drawer to get my book and okay look maybe I can’t hold my beer but I just have to share with you, it is the perfect drawer.

There are two vibrators, a bit of pot, a couple of sleeping tablets, some old sparklers and a small bottle of airplane whisky.

There was no book.

But still.

I’m your DREAM GIRL.

Moisturised, minty-breathed, buzzed, not reading but then I can’t be perfect, wearing cosy pyjamas and very very sleepy.


Call me in the morning?

Maybe we’ll light the sparklers.


Violet and the Olympics

Like everyone I have been a bit obsessed with the Olympics. I’m a little sorry that my parents never pushed me to go to gymnastics more than once and that my trampoline skills only ever included lying on my back and making out.

There are a couple of sports I really like though. I love dressage, most because it’s about fashion and elegance, and I quite look horses too. I can watch swimming at any time, it’s easy to appreciate those extraordinary bodies.

Male and female, of course.

And the archery is astonishing, because we all know it’s easy as fuck and we’d be representing our countries if we wanted to.

Actually, I am not even sure South Africa has an archery team, but whatever.

My favourite parts of the Olympics are when the commentators say things like – ‘Nothing much exciting happening here yet.…’ when this is the OLYMPICS, you shmo, these people are like brilliant and skilled, the fastest, most talented in the world.

Anyway, feeling slightly inadequate and also left out, I figured there should be a Writer’s Olympics. It’s only fair, swimmers and acrobats; we have special skills too.

I think we deserve medals for:

Coffee drinking.
Dog petting.
Cleaning the keyboard keys.
Long distance gazing
Out the window gazing.
Vague gazing

Just gazing.

And maybe even a little writing too.

Goddammit dear swimmers and athletes, but there are things that we are good at and it’s high time you appreciate us.