I slept with the Republican again Forgive me I swallowed an Ambien.
Guys, what is the protocol when you sleep with someone who has terrible politics. Because I have done it and I feel like I’ve gone to the brink and beyond. To be fair, I didn’t know then what I know now. We’d had a great … Continue reading It’s not good
I have to admit that Autumn drives me mad. I love every moment, every colour and every smell. I notice the sky and photograph the different blues – dark blue yesterday, ice blue today. I watch the birds flying in formation and think ‘how do … Continue reading I can’t help myself
I recently joined a new exercise class. The instructor is fantastic, works us really hard and after each class I always say ‘God I’m never gonna walk again…’
It’s usually the only thing I say. I don’t talk much during the class because of the PAIN IN MY THIGHS, also I like to focus on my breathing, count the crunches, 12, 13, 14, 101, hey that’s 200, keep going, 201, sweet jesus this is hard work.
Other people are chatty. They talk about their kids, their work, their partners and their problems. I listen but I don’t join in.
Until the last class.
I moaned. Not my usual ‘Ow this is really hard’ but I kind of exhaled the ‘Ooooow oooooh this is really hard.’
‘You make the pain sound sexy,’ said my instructor.
‘Well I am a sex writer, ‘ I replied. ‘I can make anything sound sexy.’
The class drew to a halt.
I had finally spoken in my exercise class.
And it was up to me to speak a little bit more.
I told them about my blog and the name of it and how sometimes I test sex toys and which are the best sex toys but the most brilliant thing – I kept on squeezing my gluteus maximus.
402, 403, 404…
Reader. This is a breakthrough moment.
Not only have I finally spoken in my exercise class but I have the best butt in my exercise class.
Everyone else has rushed out to buy sex toys.
Now it’s just me.
And I don’t have to talk to anyone.
let’s have sex, he said I’m reading a book, I said and it’s 3000 pages haha #haiku
I was at a party yesterday, loads of fun, champagne, music, a divine cake, dancing and fab, funky, interesting people At one point I left my table and just hung out against the railing, sipping my drink and people watching. Beautiful people, beautiful colours, amazing … Continue reading Cake
‘Hey Violet, we’re looking for someone who can write short stories for XXX movies, around 1000 words per movie, are you interested?’ I immediately replied yes, sure, interested, thanks, send the work through. I love writing a little adult literature. I have fun writing it, … Continue reading Confessions of a porn writer