Category: music

Dance like nobody’s watching

‘Gather round, in a circle, hold hands, breathe in…’

I did not want to gather around. I did not want to get all touchy feely. I certainly did not want to look anyone deeply in the eye or share my emotions.

I just wanted to drink wine.

But I had committed to a class of Biodanza and so, I gathered around, held hands with those around me, took a deep breath in, put wine out of my mind and then…


Oh my dear magnificent Goddesses.

What an amazing experience. We danced. We danced on our own, we danced with strangers, we danced to the beat, we danced badly, we danced really close, we danced without judgement, we grooved, we go-go danced, we got rid of all our stress, we sweated, we laughed, we did not cry because it was not that kind of touchy feely and it was the best thing I have done in years.

I didn’t drink wine but I did drink 3 litres of water.

And when I got home, feeling fabulous and fantastic, I had a bubble bath, drank another 3 litres of water and then went to sleep.

So happy.

Which is exactly what Biodanza is. Biodanza means ‘Dance with Life.’ And that is what you do. You dance so hard you feel like you’re flying. And when you slow down it feels like you’re floating.

It was as good as really really really good sex.

It helped that we had a brilliant facilitator, Michele Dean.  Also, a wonderful and small group of people, each wanting the same thing. To dance and to feel free. We were white, black, young, old, hip, not hip, Biodanza converted and skeptical. (that would be me)

I am possibly the most clumsy person in the world, also kind of the least touchy feely when it comes to strangers. But this was cool. Not touchy feely in that oh god painful touchy feely way. But good real honest wonderful connection.

Michele has the best music. We danced to world music from Africa and South America, Ali Farka Toure, Ry Cooder, Bobby McFerrin and Chuck Berry, also some Indian sacred spirit do not roll your eyes stuff, lots of jazz and man, it was all good.

I need more music in my life. I need more dance in my life. I need more strangers in life.

And I cannot wait to go back!


Michele Dean 0832677986
Facebook – Biodanza Melville
Facebook – Biobliss – Recovering joy and connection

Will you still respect me in the am?

I spent last night with two men. I have been writing about the possibility of two men, dreaming and fantasising about it, for ages.

Finally, we got it together. Me and two of the most handsome, gorgeous, bright, funny and talented men I know.  One lives in my city, one far away.

I’ve known them for a long time.  But not as long as they’ve known each other.  They’ve been friends since 1964.

That’s a helluva history.

They were school friends, family friends, getting into trouble friends, discovering girl friends, learning to kiss friends, getting to first base, then to second, parties, clubs, dancing, wild, crazy friends. They shared times that were insane and extraordinary, connected by music;  playing, singing, listening, dancing.

I’m an old friend too. They never got to first base with me (maybe they did, but a girl is discreet) but I’m their girl, their go to, their safety, their friend.

Last night we were all in the same city at the same time and they came over. We put on Tom Waits and we cooked. We smashed garlic, squeezed lemon, poured oil, marinated pork, boiled potatoes, plucked spinach, sliced plums, roasted plums, added cinnamom, star anise, butter, big blobs of butter, sugar, cream, music, whisky, wine and cognac.

The moon shone brightly. The night smelt good and the night felt sexy.

There was love.

We played music. The soundtrack of our youth.

Nancy Sinatra, These Boots were made for Walking.

Antonio Carlos Jobim, Girl from Ipanema.

Bee Gees, How deep is your Love.

Neil Young, Heart of Gold.

Joan Baez, Dona Donnna.

We took turns to be DJ. We got excited, we yelled, California Deaming, Stairway to Heaven, Bohemian Rhapsody, Night Fever. Jesus Christ Superstar.  

And Hair!

For hours, we listened we sang, we danced and we drank. We danced together and we danced alone. Sometimes I slow danced with D, sometimes with S. We did the shuffle. I go-go danced, they did the funk.

We got tired, we lay down, we closed our eyes, we carried on with the music.

We loved.

It was not that kind of love threesome.

It was the real kind of love threesome.

It was a friendship, freedom and memory threesome.

It was one of the best nights of my life.

And I did not take off my clothes.

I lie.

I did. But it was to dance outside, as it started raining.

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revalation
And the mind’s true liberation
When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius

The old people in your life

They know you.

They love you.

You love them.


Harden up

Harden up, he said.

Fuck you, she said.

Because she never wanted to hear those words again. She had no intention of hardening up.

She being me, of course.

I never want to feel indifferent. About anything. Except cats. Everyone feels indifferent about cats.

We should feel indifferent to cats.

But about love and loss, goddammit, I’m going to feel as much as I can. And if that means weeping in movies, sobbing in the bath over a book, sobbing in the bath over a man, crying when I remember my first dog, or watching music videos over and over again, I’ll do it.

And yeah, you got it. I’m at home, on the couch, tears flowing down my cheeks. Prince.

I know why I loved him. Apart from being a musical genius and astonishing,  he gave me words. Same as Bowie. They gave me, us, words for how we felt. When we couldn’t express them, they sang them for us.

They helped us to feel.

And getting feelings out there helps. It oddly brings a lightness.

So I’m going to be expressive. As expressive as I fucking want to be.  And that’s about everything.

Caring shows life. And it shows love.

I care for this guy, even though he tells me to harden up.

So right now I am sending him the knife emoji. I’ve sent it five hundred times and I’m going to keep sending it until he responds to my mail.

I care dammit.

And I am not going to be scared to show it.



It never occurred to me

That he could die

But it does occur to me

That we will see him

We will feel him

We will hear him

In the sky

In the stars

In colours

And difference


RIP.  David Bowie.



There’s something very sexy about a jazz club.

It’s about the dim lighting, the black and white photographs on the walls, the smoky atmosphere.

The bar. Always the bar. Women sitting on stools in gorgeous dresses, legs crossed over, wearing high heels.  Cocktails.

Men standing, knocking back whisky, admiring the women.

All of us admiring the jazz.

The smooth sexy sound of the saxophone.

The brass of the trombone.

The double bass and the centrepiece piano.

And the smartly dressed drummer.

I went to the Orbit Jazz Club last night. I went for the music.

And the music was beautiful. Sultry jazz, sexy jazz, jazz that made you feel free.

I’d dressed up. I sipped a mojito. I was alone.   I never spoke to anyone.

And I loved it.

Until the end, when another jazz lover came over to join me.

And then I made the choice whether to go home as I’d come.


Or with her.

And that’s the thing about jazz.

It gives you permission to do anything.


Pic courtesy of The Orbit, taken on International Jazz Day, Three Steps Within.