Category: masturbation

Back to the Body

So what’d you guys do today?

I was kind of making conversation with the Americans who are here in South Africa to run a Back to the Body Sensual Retreat.  I expected them to say they did a bit of sightseeing, visited Soweto, maybe a gallery, a museum or two. Instead, they answered:-

Oh we bought gloves, a vibrator, and coconut oil, lots and lots of coconut oil.

I spat out my soup.

As I was choking Pamela, Neal and Ron chewed on their artichokes and carried on like this was a very normal shopping list.

We needed at least two boxes of gloves; there are eight women, seven days, do the math…

Oh! Oh, I spluttered.

Cool, um, where did you like find the gloves, and…

GLOVES! Really. What do you do with the gloves? I mean, I know, but bejesus, the women are open to this?

I was blushing like crazy.

I was learning about the week long workshop run by sex goddess and educator Pamela Madsen, together with somatic sex educators Ron Stewart and Neal Wecker.  Eight women are coming out from the USA to attend the retreat, to get in touch with, well, with themselves I suppose.

And I should be open to these things. I’m a sex blogger. I know all about sex.  I think. But –


Neal explained how the retreats work, what they do and what it means. Days are spent practicing breathwork, conscious movement, exploration of the self (mind and body) erotic massage, ritual and yogic orgasm. It’s all about self love, sexuality and finding your own eroticism.

Also about healing.  And learning to love your body, flaws and all.

Hmm.  I am not sure I can ever learn to love my cellulite.

During the retreat the educators stay fully clothed  (although I think Pamela flashes at any opportunity, and so she should…) and the women can of course choose to do what they want. If they want to get ‘on the table’ and have an erotic massage, they can.  There is no pressure.

I blushed and fanned myself while these sex educators / life coaches casually discussed sex, masturbation and vaginas. I kept spluttering while they kept chewing and swallowing.

Clearly these three are completely in touch with themselves.

The retreats are all about ‘giving’.  The educators give; the women receive. It’s totally professional but still, I went bright red  when Neal said :-

Hey Violet. What about doing a session or two? I’m here for a month. I think you’d learn a lot from the bodywork.

I choked again.

Not because I’m a prude. I’m far from one.

But I don’t know if I want to look at my vagina in a mirror. I don’t know if I want other women looking at my vagina. I don’t know how comfortable I would be with a man, wearing gloves, looking at my vagina, teaching me things about my body that I don’t apparently know.

And I don’t know how good I would be at receiving only.

I know that I should try.  I clearly do have a lot to learn about my own sexuality.

But Neal is gorgeous.

And I am just not sure I could keep my hands off him!

back to the body

Neal.  Pamela.  Ron

Read about Pamela Madsen and her retreats below. She really is a woman living life to the full. And helping others to do the same.


I’m a Guardian newspaper reader and I know that sounds totally obnoxious. Except that I mostly read the lifestyle section and I spend almost as much time reading the comments as I do the articles.  The readers are usually bright and the comments always amusing.

Personally, I’m quite shy so I don’t often comment publicly.  Today though, I could not hold back.

In fact, I have been outrageously vocal.


Both articles were about that magical thing, SLEEP.

  1. 12 Rules to a good nights sleep  
  2. Putting Sleep Myths to Bed. (great title)

Both were fairly predictable though, which is unlike The Guardian.

No alcohol before bed.
Stay away from cheese.
Computer in a different room.
Cell phone out of reach.
Count sheep, empty your head, blah blah, boring.

Anyone with a real sleep problem knows that these things do not work.

Neither article, written by profs and docs and academics, mentioned the two magical cures for insomnia.


Sex can make you super sleepy. I have been known to fall asleep even before we’re kinda done. It can be disturbed sleep though, with my lover waking up to leave, taking my side of the bed, making cutesy little noises, snoring or hogging the duvet.

But masturbation. Going to sleep masturbation?

It’s foolproof.  The best thing in the world.

And it’s guaranteed to work.

No pills, no herbal remedies, no stupid cups of tea, you can still drink whisky before bed, you can have your computer on top of you if you want, talk on the phone at the same time and who cares how many sheep you count.

An orgasm works. Whether it takes two minutes or ten minutes, whether you have one or many, it makes you very very deliciously dreamy sleepy.

I’ve suggested the professors and researchers try it. And if they’re looking for a guinea pig, I’ll be happy to help.

Anyway, I’m in bed, a bit sleepy, eating cheese, sipping my drink, taking off my panties, opening my drawer, oh a vibrator, mmm yeah oh oh bzzzz zzzz.

Sweet dreams readers, g’nite, zzzz zzzz, see ya in the morn…





Pre and Post Orgasm.

When self-pleasure is part of your work you gotta be prepared.

Before orgasm:

Fill the fridge. And the grocery cupboards. You’re going to get very hungry so make sure you have all your favorite foods. Extra.

Have litres of bottled water. Keep this next to your bed. And in the fridge. And on the dining room table. It’s important to keep hydrated. Use it to drink, to pour over your head, to wipe the sweat off your chest…

Have clean sheets, beautiful candles, sexy underwear, the right lighting, delicious oils, the right toys and the right guy, or girl, watching.

After orgasm:-




Laze back in a bubble bath.

Smile contentedly.

Clean the toys.

Clean the keyboard.

Clean the sheets.

Have a cigarette, even if you don’t smoke.

Recommend that your friends go out and buy a Kissing Swan luxury rechargeable rabbit vibrator immediately.

Start again…

Sex Toys.

I won’t be blogging today but I will be testing out sex toys!

So bear with me

While I gasp my way through the weekend

With lotions and potions

Waterproof bullets, kissing swans

Candle wax

Massage oil

Bondage tape




The very fancy very pretty and very sexy

Fifi rabbit vibrator.

See ya next week…