I’m sitting in an ‘Anti-Ageing’ restaurant. Yep, you heard right – an anti ageing restaurant.
I’m surrounded by Vitamin D sprays, glutamine powder, turmeric tea and a fabulous selection of Stevia liquids. I’m also sitting with my plumber and the manager of the restaurant. The plumber tells me what Stevia is, a healthy liquid sugar substitute.
He’s a brilliant plumber.
I’m here because I’ve been racked with guilt for the last 24 hours. Yesterday I walked past the place, saw the words ANTI-AGEING EATERY and EAT YOURSELF PRETTY, and felt a certain amount of outrage. How dare they, what are they thinking, sugar will kill, come on guys, must we have the no carbs pushed at our sagging necklines all the time? On a Sunday walk?
I was so outraged that I posted a pic of the restaurant’s signage and trashed them online. And because I have fabulous friends, they joined in.
Until my boyfriend called me.
‘I don’t get it,’ he says. “Why the intensity?”
Because we’re bombarded, I say. All the time. Smooth out your wrinkles, perfect your brows, spend 3 billion dollars on this latest cream, spoon a little collagen into your carrot cake, fuck off I do not want to eat myself to prettiness thank you.
“Okay, sure, it’s sexist and ageist and be outraged,” he says. “But hey, it’s not too unlike the Longevity magazines you left at my place, the moisturiser, the perfume, the waxing, and all other manner of elixirs.”
I thought about what I had done. I needed to take a hard look at myself. While I’m still glad I was outraged, I shouldn’t have trashed them online. Why harm – or even kill – a business with the flick of a Facebook post, in this time of acute economic decline and unemployment, or at any other time?
I should’ve been more circumspect and careful before going on record. It’s a new business. There is an owner, Abdulla Miya, and there is a divine head chef, Andre Brown, who I could’ve spoken to, and to whom I’m talking to right now. And to the staff, who are good and pleasant.
I know that because they are serving me my pancakes.
It’s a Monday morning. Besides my plumber, who is a regular, there are women of all ages here. Lots of them. Some are smooth, some are wrinkled, one is a little round, HAHA WATCH THOSE CARBS DARLING, not all are outraged by the name. And I have to admit the place is lovely. So are the smoothies. They’re playing a light jazz. And even the coffee is good.
I eat the raspberry coulis pancakes while I chat to Andre. He knows his food. He also gets what I’m saying about their messaging. He’s going to talk to the owner. Maybe they’ll change it, maybe they won’t. It’s okay. I’m glad I spoke to him. I’m glad I didn’t just do the social media armchair thing.
I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.
Will these pancakes erase my wrinkles? Probably not. Are they very good. YES. Are the shelves lined with all fabulous health products and teas (peach and rose and orange and vanilla) and is there honey to die for?
Do I suggest you come here and try this place.
Meet me for breakfast.
We’ll get beautiful together. From the inside out.
Clenergy Restaurant, 51 Greenfield Road, Greenside. Tel 0846262812 www.clenergy.com