I try and recycle. Plastic, paper and glass are all separated. It’s not always easy and sometimes I don’t do a great job. But it’s mostly straightforward.
Milk cartons – paper.
Wine bottles – glass.
Everything from Woolworths and Pick N Pay – plastic.
But sex toys?
I don’t know what they’re made of, I don’t know where to put them, and frankly, I don’t know how I feel about throwing them away.
Which was a dilemma I had a few days ago.
I was given a few new ‘products’ and so I Kon-Maried my drawers. It was time to discard the things I don’t use – fluffy handcuffs, a feather tickler, and of course, a couple of old and trusted, not rusted, toys.
It was okay to dispose of the handcuffs, leather and rope stuff. I never much cared for any of it. But – my lovely bullet? My beautiful rabbit? The one that looked like jump leads that I never quite got the hang of?
It hurt to throw them out. Also, which recycling bin would they go into? I hate making mistakes. And if I put them in ‘general’ the waste pickers would be clearing my trash, sitting outside on my verge and going ooooh, wow, what did she do with this one?
Also, I was sure someone could put them to good use.
But sharing sex toys is not like sharing your vegetables with your neighbours. It’s not like giving a homeless guy your old jacket, or leaving a few books in the community library.
You can’t just put a sign up and say:
Pink Rabbit. Excellent working condition.
Silver Bullet. Gave me tons of pleasure.
Anal Beads. Never used. Try them at your own risk.
It’s also kind of hard to go to a women’s shelter, and say Hello, love your dress, would you perhaps like these. I think that would be the thing to do, in fact I know that would be the thing to do, but did I mention, tricky?
I deliberated over what to do. I took them out the drawer, examined the materials, plastic, silicon, electrical stuff, what the fuck. I put them back in the drawer. I went online to find out what other women do with their old toys. Mostly, it seems women throw them at the bottom of the trash, hope nobody ever goes through the trash, and then they land up forever more in a landfill.
Or in the ocean, where the penguins are not really into bondage.
My drawers are fuller than ever. I have new toys to try out. And I have limited space.
I went back to the internet, desperate for ideas.
I didn’t find any, but while doing research I came across an ethical vegan environmentally-friendly bio-degradable all-natural very powerful little bullet that apparently does no damage and has a fabulous rumble.
A bio-degradable bullet? With a rumble?
I have to order one.
Even if just to throw it out immediately.
Because at least I know which trash can it will go in.