Ten fab things to do in the dark

We’ve had a lot of power issues in Jozi over the last few days. Like horrible no light no electricity no power at all issues. And although I’m down to one little candle and feeling just slightly desperate, I thought it would be kind to help you guys deal with the dark too.

Here are my ideas:-

Phone on 60%? Not good enough, keep it at 100.

Same with your laptop.

Meditate.

Eat all the ice-cream in the freezer, there is no point in it going to waste.

Dream of death.

Stock up on scented candles. The Babylonstoren range is magnificent and will make your dark cold gloomy depressing miserable as fuck house smell delicious.

Remember, darkness can make you a little bitchy. Meditate some more.

Charge your sex toys.

Every time the power goes, walk. I’ve walked 3000 kms in just 3 days and look skinny, sexy and fantastic.

Have sex. Sex in the dark, sex in the cold, sex in the attic because nobody will find his body afterwards, sex in the kitchen, sex amongst the filthy dishes you cannot wash, sex amongst the disgusting piled up laundry, sex sex sex meditate sex death murder buy a generator don’t know how to use it scream smother strangle.

If you’re going to commit a crime, do it in the dark.

Stay productive by going to work in a coffee shop that oh hang on they also don’t have electricity and anyway you can’t leave the house because the battery on your gate has run out and you’re stuck and a prisoner and I’m at a bit of a loss now, sorry.

Get angry.

Tweet your councillor. Tweet City Power. Demand change. Do it politely. Stop accepting the same bullshit stories that we are constantly given. These people are paid to do a job. Make sure they do it.

Eat cake.

Open the champagne. Even if it’s a little warm.

Go for one of those walks and just keep walking. Suck in your stomach. Tighten your butt. Work those calf muscles. Ten kms, twenty kms, oh my gosh this is a pretty suburb, don’t forget the sunblock, burn those calories.

Don’t stop till somebody messages you that the power is back.

And even then, don’t get excited. Do not turn around. Never turn around. Because one thing is for sure, it will go off again.

City Power? My councillor?

Meditating doesn’t really work.

Please help.

5 thoughts on “Ten fab things to do in the dark

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