I’ve had stitches twice from dropping my laptop on my face, scrolled for hours without actually looking at anything, missed deadlines, lost clients, gone through a few break ups because of my addiction and now – only now – bloody Mark Zuckerberg is in trouble for doing all sorts of bad Facebook things.
My friends are in a panic, oh my god, change your settings, do this, don’t do that, never play a game, quit the dog videos, the cat videos, the stupid cooking videos.
I have no issue quitting the cooking videos. I never watched them anyway. And I don’t mind if I never see another cat in my life. (except one, Helen.)
But dog videos?
And clandestine kind of liaisons on Facebook’s messenger app?
Why would I ever give those up?
Facebook is fab. I’ve wasted 15 years of my life on it but they’ve been great years. I’ve made fantastic new friends, connected with old ones, played too much scrabble but those seven letter words aren’t going to get made without me, and okay, I probably shouldn’t have sent all those nudes but hey, it’s been SO MUCH FUN.
And there’s not that much about me that needs to be private anyway.
My data is kind of irrelevant.
Or is it?
In a panic, brought on not just by my friends but by every single screaming newspaper headline, I thought about deleting Facebook. First, I downloaded my Facebook data. It took about 15 minutes. I had everything, EVERYTHING, since 2004, all my blurry photos, my posts about the moon – 2004 was a great year for the moon – copies of every single message even the ones I had deleted, all my nudes and guys, I looked pretty damn hot in some of them, and some of those sexy texts and holy shit, I used to have a lot of fun on Facebook.
This is what I learned.
I don’t want to delete my Facebook.
What I do want to do is go back to having fun. I don’t want the pics of dying dogs or dying people. I do want poetry and art and real news and Netflix recommendations and flirtations and okay, if I’m honest, I do want to send more nudes.
You want to see?
Oh, thank god. Nice? Cool. Yes, oooooh.
I just dropped my phone on my forehead Again.
There’s a bit of blood.
But hey, who cares. The scars are kind of endearing, and you know, I like having a good time here.
How to delete Facebook and other Social Media apps?
The answer is don’t do it.
But you can improve stuff by updating your privacy settings.
Just ask someone else how to do it.