I’ve had stitches twice from dropping my laptop on my face, scrolled for hours without actually looking at anything, missed deadlines, lost clients, gone through a few break ups because of my addiction and now – only now – bloody Mark Zuckerberg is in trouble … Continue reading How to delete Facebook and a whole lot of other stupid ideas.
I once said that working from home was 30 percent working and 70 percent checking the fridge I was wrong it’s ninety percent checking the fridge and ten percent online shopping. Oops, never been good at math.
‘I think you should go left here?’ I said to Frederika. ‘I donno, it’s not really a road is it, maybe we should go back, find the right road?’ ‘Julie did say the road was bad, she didn’t say this bad, ugh take the left, … Continue reading Julie, what were you thinking?
I recently joined a new exercise class. The instructor is fantastic, works us really hard and after each class I always say ‘God I’m never gonna walk again…’
It’s usually the only thing I say. I don’t talk much during the class because of the PAIN IN MY THIGHS, also I like to focus on my breathing, count the crunches, 12, 13, 14, 101, hey that’s 200, keep going, 201, sweet jesus this is hard work.
Other people are chatty. They talk about their kids, their work, their partners and their problems. I listen but I don’t join in.
Until the last class.
I moaned. Not my usual ‘Ow this is really hard’ but I kind of exhaled the ‘Ooooow oooooh this is really hard.’
‘You make the pain sound sexy,’ said my instructor.
‘Well I am a sex writer, ‘ I replied. ‘I can make anything sound sexy.’
The class drew to a halt.
I had finally spoken in my exercise class.
And it was up to me to speak a little bit more.
I told them about my blog and the name of it and how sometimes I test sex toys and which are the best sex toys but the most brilliant thing – I kept on squeezing my gluteus maximus.
402, 403, 404…
Reader. This is a breakthrough moment.
Not only have I finally spoken in my exercise class but I have the best butt in my exercise class.
Everyone else has rushed out to buy sex toys.
Now it’s just me.
And I don’t have to talk to anyone.
405, 406…
let’s have sex, he said I’m reading a book, I said and it’s 3000 pages haha #haiku
This morning on Facebook I read a beautiful, heartfelt post, written by a friend who was really missing her mom. Her mom died a long time ago but the loss was still deeply profound. The post made me think of the kinda weird day I … Continue reading Life
