Goddammit Jesus

The year is still 2017 and I have just a couple of days left before my marathon welcome to the New Year one two or three night stand.

Of course it’s been Christmas and there’s been lobster, champagne, wine, mince pies and more mince pies, gingerbread, cookies, custard, cream and all things decadently delicious.

And there have also been days in front of Netflix with a lot of chocolate and ice-cream and would this be a good time to shout out GODDAMMIT JESUS WHY SO MUCH FOOD.

I am feeling round.

Round. Chubby. And not very sexy.

Is sex better when you’re thin?

Yes. I think so.

It’s much nicer having sex when you’re feeling confident. It’s much nicer slipping out of that little black dress when you know your stomach looks flat and sexy, it’s much nicer when your thighs don’t slap together or even, oh god sob, stick together.

It is much sexier having sex when you’re thin.

Unless you don’t care of course, but I sadly do.

I have in fact been watching Shameless (again)and I think of Monica who is pretty round but super sexy and Sheila who has the hugest tits and is completely fuckable and they don’t care about body and image. They enjoy sex for what is it.

But that’s television.

This is real life.

And I know I should be okay with my two, maybe three oh shit what if it is four extra kilos.

But I am not. Which probably leads me to my own issues with body and body image but I’ll get into that next year.

HELP HELP HELP.

Should I quickly go on a fast but GODDAMMIT AGAIN JESUS CHRIST WHY DID YOU MAKE THE FOOD AROUND THIS TIME SO DELICIOUS.

Should I just suck in my stomach and hope for the best.

Or should I cancel my three night stand?

18 thoughts on “Goddammit Jesus

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