My I-Phone automatically tracks my steps and on average I do a brilliant 8000 a day.
I did 288.
I am officially a blob.
But this is what I learned while being a blob.
Netflix has three new shows and I like them all.
Fiona Apple is very nice on repeat.
If you don’t answer the door to Jehovah’s Witnesses, they eventually go away.
The more face masks you do, the shinier your skin.
The fridge is always empty.
And Uber Eats is fabulous.
I ordered a divine Asian meal which added another 20 steps to my already 240.
Salmon Ceviche Taco and Szechuan Prawn Wonton were a good choice, by the way.
I learned that Uber Eats don’t mind if you’re still hungry and will happily come back with Muay Thai Kick and Kimchi Kimbap.
Also delicious. And another 20 steps.
I learned if you switch the App off it stops counting your steps.
And also, four dishes is a bit much and I should’ve stopped at three and I am always greedy and why don’t I ever learn that.
Still. All delicious.
But then, sweet goddesses, I learned that when you switch the App back on again it sends a message to say Sit Less, Move More, Get Some Exercise, and fuck you I-Phone.
Today I am blob.
Tomorrow. I donno.
Please pass the ice-cream.
I don’t want to break my low step record.