My Uber rating as a passenger is 3.6 stars. And given that I’m an A type personality and a completely brilliant passenger, I am curious about the missing 1.4.
I’ve never been late for a ride. I stand on the side of the road in extreme weather conditions, also in extreme clothing conditions, and wait for the driver.
I say hello and I always say thank you and goodbye. I make small talk, but not too much, and am always sure to compliment good driving.
Mostly I sit in the front but sometimes in the back. I don’t know what Uber etiquette is so I go for the fifty / fifty thing of doing it right.
That’s how concerned I am about my Uber rating.
I trust the driver with the route and only once, maybe twice, have I fought with the GPS.
I always hold back from saying ‘Holy fuck what is this sweet sickly smell’ with those air freshener things even though I’m allergic and I sneeze for like hours after.
And I never get into political discussions. Once, actually, when the driver chose not to join me on a peace march and I felt he should and I am still cross that he didn’t, but hey, it’s a free world.
I have given a driver the death stare but he was bloody lucky I didn’t murder him, he chatted the entire trip and what was he even thinking; nobody talks anymore.
I gotta say it was a fantastic death stare but it certainly wasn’t worth negative 1.4 stars.
Mostly I just sit with my head in my phone but my friends all sit with their heads in their phones too and their ratings are much better than mine.
L is 4.8, H is 4.67 and T comes in at a low 4.2.
It’s not fair.
I’m even quiet when the Uber driver goes UNDER the speed limit and I sit and I want to hit him and yell and say please please please go a little bit faster, what the fuck kind of bullshit driving is this, just put foot.
But I don’t. I am polite. And I rate my drivers highly.
And then they have the cheek to rate me 3.6 stars!
Maybe it was that one time I kissed a guy in the back seat and it was so good and he was so sexy and I swear the driver didn’t mind and it was only kissing and honestly I think I deserve extra stars for that one.
I’m going to call an Uber.
I don’t need to go anywhere but I WANT MY STARS DAMMIT.
I promise to be a perfect passenger. I won’t vomit in the back seat.
And I absolutely promise not to talk.
As long as you promise not to talk to me either.
N.B. Add your Uber rating below, I need to know I don’t have the lowest score.