There’s a fabulous dive bar in my hood and last time I went there with my girlfriends we got a little bit drunk, planned a trip to Bali and the next day we’d booked our air tickets and were already trying on bikinis.
Last night we went to the same fabulous bar and got a little bit drunk again. This time we planned an overland trip through Africa. We’re doing the East coast; South Africa to Ethiopia, via Kenya, Tanzania and whatever else is on the way. We may go off the beaten track because none of us have any sense of direction and we always get lost.
Even finding the dive bar.
We’re four women and we’d like to find another three. We all need skills. A couple of good drivers, a mechanic, a medic (we have one), women who can put up tents, read a map, do everything, pee in the bushes, charm the locals and make our way through borders without bribing anyone.
Just kidding, we’re going to bribe everyone.
Anyway, we’re pretty much good to go except for the mechanic bit but maybe we’ll do a course. Unless someone here comes forward. Any cool Land Rover mechanics out there? It must be a woman although to be honest, I don’t mind men or women but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WE HAVE SOME STAUNCH FEMINISTS ON THIS TRIP.
And of course we need to find two Land Rovers and that’s my job, hey Land Rover wanna sponsor us, we’re women in our fifties, come play with us, and pay for us, we’re gonna cruise over those dirt roads, sleep rough, live rough, use words like combustion and suspension and hey someone throw the tow-bar and holy fuck Land Rover, these emissions are brilliant.
Most importantly, we’ll always find time for our anti-ageing creams. And we will not wear khaki pants or terrible shoes. But we will go braless and wear summer frocks and always use SPF factor 100.
I already know who’s putting the suncream on the back of my legs.
We do have one guy by the way; a filmmaker and he’s already signed up and paid his deposit. (Well, he paid for our drinks, same thing, kind of…)
And then, there will be no gadgets. Except for me. I am allowed to bring my phone so I can blog, tweet, Facebook and Instragram the adventure for you, darling Land Rover. Business will be great and you will sell a billion new Land Rovers. Also, we will plug our sex toys into the charger in front and what more kind of fabulous PR do you want, Land Rover, bzzz bzzz bzzzz really.
In the planning phases. Meet us at the Dive Bar if you’re keen. Which is much more than a Dive Bar by the way; it’s fabulous.
(Poppy’s are gonna sponsor us too)