Remember that scene in Pulp Fiction where Uma OD’d on heroin then Travolta smashes the injection into her chest and zing boom she comes back to life. I felt like that just after I got a call from the Apple store to say ‘Mrs Online, hello, we’re going to fix your Mac for you, no charge.’
I hate it when people call me Mrs Online.
But I love it when they fix things!
I leapt up off the couch, smash banged the air, raced down to my local coffee shop, downed an espresso, high fived all the staff, ate a donut, picked up another, came home, made myself a second coffee and checked the cupboard for chocolate.
Unlike heroin, coffee and sugar are my high.
Both make me feel good, and when I’m feeling good they make me feel even better.
In fact I had a kind of sexy but sexual mishap recently and it was something to do with a difficult man and a vibrator and it was a little bit funny but mostly not and when it was over he asked what I needed and I just said ‘Coffee.’
I would have asked for a donut and toblerone too but he’s a health freak and there’s never anything sweet in his house.
I hate him for that.
I hate it when I have sexual mishaps.
I hate it when my computer blows up.
But I love it when it all gets fixed and works out and there are new Macs and also new pleasures and oh god I am so happy I would write more but my hands are sticky and my tummy is full and yes, thank you, pass the donuts, chocolate, the toys, please.
Time for another fix.
Time for that high.
Time for that brilliant feeling.