I’ve just been to the Kruger National Park for a couple of days and gosh, it was astonishing. The game lodge, Africa on Foot, is gorgeous and rustic, we had elephant wandering through camp, saw lion bring down a buffalo, met fabulous people, swam, ate delicious food, watched the birds and bees, ambled with giraffe and drank single malt under magnificent African sunsets.

Now I’m back home and my job is to write a travel story, praising Africa on Foot, who definitely deserve praising.

But it’s really hot.

It was hot in Kruger, over forty degrees, and it’s really hot back home in Jozi too.

Which means it’s impossible to focus. Or to wear clothes. I can feel the sun on my skin and there’s sweat dripping down my cleavage. I cannot imagine stringing a sentence together let alone think of using punctuation.

So instead of writing a fabulous and original travel blog,  I googled ‘best game lodge.’ I thought of course Africa on Foot would pop up and I could cheat a little with the story.

But the heat got to me and I somehow googled ‘best sex toys’ instead.

Reader!

There are some fabulous sex toys out there.

I found a platinum vibrator covered with diamonds that sells for over eight thousand dollars, a dream love chair for ten thousand, and a very expensive royal dildo that makes you cry out in ecstasy every time a sapphire hits your g-spot.

It costs a million dollars and apparently Victoria Beckham has one.

There’s also a silver butt plug which I will not try or buy but it is kinda fascinating. It has a horse hair tail and who knew butt plugs had tails at all but okay, anyway, horse hair, horses, this brings me back to animals.

We saw, up close and personal, lion and leopard, rhino, buffalo, hippo, all the plains game and beautiful birds.

We oohed and aahed our way through every sighting.

Much the same one would do with a royal vibrator.

I imagine.

Anyway.

It’s still very hot.

So hot I’m struggling with grammar, spelling and punctuation.

So hot I may never write a Violet post again.

So hot I need lots of ice in my whisky.

I need a cold shower.

I need to cool down.

Or maybe I need a royal gold sapphire and pearl encrusted million dollar hits that g-spot every time vibrator.

Happy holidays!

http://www.africaonfoot.com