So I did my first online freelance writing job yesterday. Being quite particular I asked for a brief and who the audience was going to be, target market etc.

The brief was ‘Write about diet pills, be quick, here are the key words, GO.’

The money was okay, they wanted ten articles, 400 words each, and hey, I could do this. I’ve learned I can write about anything.

I agonised quite a bit over the first article, particular side effects of the diet pill. I did a whole lot of research, wrote beautifully and intelligently then sent it in to make sure I was on the right track. The response was immediate.

Great, keep going.’

I guessed immediately she hadn’t read it properly, but hey, I kept going.

I sent in each article as I went along. I learned about and wrote about Fat Burners, Stimulants, Appetite Suppressants and how much weight Sue and Dave and Sam have all lost. I learned that I would never take a diet pill in my life and wouldn’t recommend anyone else take them either, but hey, money.

I was selling my soul.

Brilliant, she kept telling me. Do another ten.

Each article was pretty much the same thing – why you should take this diet pill over any other – just spun in different ways.

I got bored with myself. On Article Number 12, ‘What is a Fat Burner’ I wrote don’t panic, you might combust, there will be flames and burning fires, it will hurt, but hey, you will be skinny.

That one got accepted too.

She definitely was not reading them.

I’m being scammed I thought.

Except. I’ve been paid. Already. And they’ve asked me to do ten more.

I dont think I can. I dont know what else to say about an appetite suppressant. Except to say don’t do it. If you want to lose weight, ugh, just fuck. Have sex. Masturbate. Then write about it.

It’s a much more fun way to earn.


13 thoughts on “Appetite

      1. Ah – It looks like they just want the word-count, and weren’t even reading it. It’s a tough call, as you have your standards, but then again, who doesn’t play around when bored? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Keep going and get more and more ridiculous with your articles–don’t stop until they finally start rejecting your writing. You know, things like, “Side effects don’t so much include as much as they guarantee that a small dragon with be birthed from your anal cavity, half your face will melt off if it’s a full moon, you will become pregnant with rage, you will experience rolling blackouts during which time you will gnaw the limbs of innocent children, you will ruin every personal relationship you have, but hey, you’ll be beautiful, and anyone who tells you that beauty isn’t the single most important human value obviously hasn’t found the salvation of diet pills.”

    If that kind of thing continually gets accepted, you’ve got yourself a cash cow.


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