I’m good at a lot of things but possibly not very good at business. I write for a beauty Spa in exchange for anti ageing treatments. I write for a lingerie shop in exchange for lingerie. I travel blog for travel and I sex blog as Violet for fun and love but mostly just for fun.
But I don’t do any of that for money and I really need to earn. This morning I sat with a friend, over very expensive coffee and croissants, moaning about my financial situation.
‘There are tons of jobs going on Freelancer, Violet. A lot in your field. Try. It’s worth a shot.’
I’m not sure what my field is, but I googled Freelancer and signed up immediately.
Profile: Writer. Quick. Creative. Funny. Imaginative. Perfect grammar.
Writing skills: Erotica. Sex. Soft Porn.
Then I added a few more, suddenly anxious in case my dad found me on Freelancer.
Travel. Advertising. PR.
Somewhere along the line I ticked Italian too.
A mistake, a mistake!
I do not speak Italian.
My first job offer came in. I got so excited and hey, it wasn’t in English but still it seemed to be well paid and of course I had to take it.
I turned to google translate. An erotic story set in a bank. Seven hundred words.
Easy, I could do this in my sleep.
I did it. Wrote it. Translated it. Sent it in.
Oh mio Dio ti prego prendere ora , alzare la gonna , duro , in me, più forte più forte , spinta, oh Dio , sì , così, di più, di più, cazzo me , oh Gesù venire venire cazzo me girare intorno al mio culo sì, come che , oh sì sì più di più , sei così grande , duro , il tuo spessore difficile Oh cazzo cazzo cazzo.
I got quite turned on just reading it.
They replied quickly.
In broken English.
‘Violet, it’s Marcello. Your writing is fabulous, amiamo, bellisima, but we are looking for content for a banking website.’
Oops. I’d got it a little wrong.
‘Sorry about that,’ I typed. ‘So sorry.’
But then I added:-
‘Shall I try again?’
‘Why not,’ said Marcello. ‘We like your style.’
I think I’m going to like Freelancer.
English or Italian?