Hi, hey, here are the books I’ve been meaning to lend you for a while.
D ordered a mojito and handed the pile over to S.
Oooh thanks, I’ve been looking for something to read, oh hang on, what’s this, looks interesting.
It was the Kama Sutra.
We had been mid conversation about Brexit but immediately turned our attention to the book.
D giggled and said her favourite had been Page 27.
We turned to Page 27.
They’re both standing. Naked. He has a fabulous moustache. She wears jewels and flowers in her hair. She pushes one leg against his perfectly sculpted thigh then wraps the other around his body. Her fingers claw his neck. He nibbles her. She gazes at him, a passionate stare. She raises herself high, an acrobat floating mid air. His seven foot long penis is inside her. In and out, in and out. She leans back until her head touches the ground, she moans out loud, gasps, screams, bites, rakes, claws.
He is rapturous.
Not a single flower falls, his moustache does not change shape.
They both orgasm.
Anyway we were all giggling and putting ourselves in various positions and I was wondering which one I would actually try, when a local car guard walked past.
Nice novel ladies, he said. Can you spare some change?
We were gasping. We’d moved on to Page 28. Sculachitaka. One that requires practice, apparently. Translated, Schulachitaka means ‘Impaled on a Stake.’
Some change, he said again. Some change?
We all went through our purses very quickly. Dished out money. He was meantime paging through the book, drawn to Page 29. The man is fucking the women from behind, the same seven foot long penis, while a maid watches and bangs the drums for extra intensity.
He looked at us.
We gave him more money.
And we went back to Brexit.
But of course it reminded me that I have my own Kama Sutra here at home. It’s magnificent. A collector’s item. I bought it back from India six years ago, it weighs ten kilograms and is seriously beautiful.
I’ve been paging through it all night. And I’m quite keen to try Jrimbhitaka.
First though, I better find a man who can do magic.
Page 27. The one that does not require practice.