So tell me how you feel about money Violet, I’m curious.
No. Please no.
I broke out into a cold sweat.
It just kind of works out, I answered. I mean, god look at those gorgeous shoes you’re wearing and how fab is this Autumn weather and have you heard about the fugitive Rabbi…
I tried to change the subject. Money, just the mention of it, gives me that terrible feeling in my chest. I feel panic attacks coming on. I cannot go there.
But this woman was persistent.
I mean it, she said. What do you do to invest, how are you planning for the future?
Do we have to talk about this? Really. No-one likes to talk about money.
She picked up on my anxiety.
When you’re ready, then, maybe I can talk to you about investments and stocks. We’ll set up a time.
I was thinking that she was sweet but stupid and also really looking at her shoes which were magnificent. High. Patent shiny black. Italian. Very very sexy.
Where are they from, I asked?
Oh that little store down the road, I bought them with the profit on…
I couldn’t help it. I slapped her. Then I drove to the store to check out the shoes. Oh my gosh. I found the perfect pair. Only R 2000. It would be fine. I had to. I just wouldn’t eat for a week. Or two.
I bought them.
I am impulsive when it comes to money. I spend it then I panic then I cut back on stuff then work comes in and I get excited and I spend again and then I panic and then I get more work and I buy more shoes and then it all goes quiet and the fridge is a little empty and then there are more shoes and then I earn and then I don’t and then I cry over my coffee but then I buy another one because it is so delicious and then another job comes in and it always seems to just work out.
By the skin of my teeth it all works out.
And that is how I feel about money.
I don’t want to talk about it.