No means No

I’m lying on the daybed, in my underwear, eating crisps and trying to finish House of Cards. But I’m struggling to focus.

Because rape has been all over my timeline today. Violence against women is at an all time high and women have less support than ever. Rape is always our fault, or so the messages go. Don’t wear mini skirts, don’t turn men on, don’t draw attention to yourselves. Don’t be provocative, don’t flirt, don’t don’t don’t…

Instead of saying to men –  Stop. Don’t do it.  Contain yourselves.  Control yourselves.


Women are victim blamed. Women are shamed.

Right now Rhodes University in the Eastern Cape is on shutdown. Students at the University have been protesting, demanding reform on the rape policy. All too many rape cases are brushed under the carpet. Ignored. Glossed over. While the perpetrators walk free.

And this time, instead of rapists being held accountable, the women have been shot at with rubber bullets. By police.

The women have become the targets.

It’s not just women, I must add. There are many men who are in support and want to help. And male sexual assault is also all too often not taken seriously.

What is wrong with our country, our police force and our systems, when rapists walk free and victims are thrown into the back of police vans?

What has gone so badly wrong that the very people we expect to protect us, do the opposite?

The doorbell has just rung. I’m switching off House of Cards.  I’m going to throw on some clothes before I open up. It shouldn’t have to be like that. I should feel safe to open the door in underwear. Whether I choose to or not, or whether you think it’s okay or not, I should be able to.

I am not.

What if the person on the other side just cannot contain himself?  What if he rapes me?

Will it be because of what I was wearing?

And will anyone protect me?

Do me a fucking favour. Something has to change.


Pic @EWNReporter

Respect to all those taking part in the Anti Rape Campaign Chapter 212. Brave young souls.

14 thoughts on “No means No

  1. It’s a sad truth that many men are conditioned not to have respect for women and that leads to discounting their struggles and blaming them when stuff happens to them.

    We are not all like that, but the sad thing is, those that are tend to get themselves into positions of power. All we can do is make our voices heard and try to raise a generation that will treat all people with respect

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Support” (in lieu of like)

    There are two fundamental conditions humans are living with, that are completely and utterly controllable…yet they still exist. #1 FEAR – Violence (especially that of a sexual nature) is inexcusable under ANY circumstances!!!! There is absolutely no provocation that supports this behavior, yet it exists within every modern culture of our species? Perpetrators of this disgusting behavior are sick individuals, and should be incarcerated because of their inability to distinguish between that and acceptable behavior…period!!!! Until societies begin to remove the shame associated with being victimized by its hideous results, progress never evolves. Religious ideology has only heightened the struggle over this social issue by further degradation of the woman’s rightful place in society, with the Spanish Inquisition, and Sharia Law, and even Hindu Caste social system. Women are equally as important to our species as their male counterparts, and until “Society” demands such…govt, religion, and all other mechanisms for social order will continue to fail their cause!!!

    Protest your asses off girls, and we all should support their efforts!!!!

    #2 is hunger, but I’ve run out of time to fully elaborate now…to be continued😁

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Little boys needed to be taught that when a girl/woman says NO they mean NO. Women need to make sure that this is conveyed at many points in their lives. Men too but it often seems that if we want a change the women have to do it.


  4. Sadly I think rape is an issue all over the world, and it’s all too often blamed on the victim, particularly when the victim is a woman. She was dressed provocatively, or she had consented in the past, or she didn’t actually say no, so therefore it was OK.

    All the advice about rape focuses on how a woman can prevent herself from becoming a rape victim. It’s good advice, but we shouldn’t need it. Men are the ones who can prevent rape by not being rapists. And if they can’t, they are criminals and need to be treated as such.

    You should be able to answer the door in your underwear if you want to. Or naked if the mood takes you. Unfortunately, things need to change a lot before that’s going to be safe.

    Liked by 1 person

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