I very hesitantly unlocked the door. Pushed it open. Took a deep breath. Stepped outside. And looked up.
I mean you no harm, I told the wasps.
And I left the house.
For the last few months I’ve lived side by side with a nest of wasps. They’ve done their thing, I’ve done mine and it’s been okay. I sit in my garden, they gently buzz, I’ve learned not to be scared of them.
But for some reason they moved to my front door. And built a new nest right above it. And there weren’t just a few wasps, there were about a hundred.
I disturbed them each time I went in and out. I was scared. They were probably scared too.
I got advice.
Wear a thick jacket so you don’t get stung. Take a broom, set it on fire, hold it up and smoke them out.
Hah.
I was never going to do that. Mostly because I was really scared I would set the entire neighbourhood on fire, but also because I didn’t want to smoke them out.
I didn’t want to kill them.
I called Gus. Professional wasp remover. I told him there was some urgency, like me never getting back into my house; he promised to come at lunchtime.
I went off to work (drink coffee, eat cake) and came home in time to let Gus in.
There was no sign of him.
But there was a bloodbath.
Hundreds of dead wasps littered the porch.
The wasp guy came before I got home. And without asking, without talking to me, he wiped them out.
BOOM BANG WITH I’M GUESSING A HUGE EXTINGUISHER POISON CHEMICAL THING.
I had to step over them to reach my door. And it was very bloody horrible.
I mean you no harm, I’d said.
And then I’d had them obliterated.
I had thought, like with bees, people relocated wasps. Clearly not.
I feel terrible.
The world we live in is fragile. It’s a big mess and we need to take a whole lot more care of it.
I didn’t take care of the wasps.
Gus didn’t either, and I am very sorry I called him.
I still don’t know what the alternative was. Maybe there wasn’t one.
But now I have another crisis. There’s a lizard in my bathtub. It must’ve come in through the window. It’s enormous and it’s beautiful and it’s many sparkling colours.
I really want to have a bath and I don’t know how to get it out.
I do not want to share my bath with a lizard.
But there’s no way I’m calling Gus…
OMG I like your post, but I don’t like the mass murder… not your fault. I don’t know what else you could have done. But… poor wasps.
It’s also times like this that I’m glad I don’t live in SA. The worst I ever find in my bath is spiders. And I love spiders. They’re beautiful and tickly on my hand.
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oh my god i feel like i am living in the fucking jungle right now
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Haha, that comment made me laugh.
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But I’m still sad about the wasps 😦
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thank you for making me feel EVEN FUCKING WORSE.
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I have nothing to say to that, except it’s not your fault! You couldn’t have known that the man you were asking for advice was a raging psychopath.
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Apparently, you are. What’s the attraction?
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I dunno but I think I gotta look into this.
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Maybe, there’s a sweet smell that attracts them.
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Wow! What kind of lizard do you think it is? I’ve never seen anything like that in Melville.
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It just a lizard, I get a bit dramatic when it comes to reptiles in my bathtub.
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Hahaha.
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i have a neighbor kid that i call when i have a lizard in the house. she’s fast and gentle and totally unafraid of anything creepy. shall i send her over to scoop the little guy up for you? i pay her in cookies. x
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Next time. Yes, yes please…
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😉
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I don’t know if you could relocate wasps. Their stings are so painful. I’m afraid you probably just have to do what he did…
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yeah, I did find a place that freezes them (seriously) and then sends them off to a lab to be made into anti sting venom stuff. but that was in Canada and a bit far…
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Not to mention the cost of buying them a seat on the plane!
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I wouldn’t want a wasp near me.
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Wasp nests are better shut down in their infancy rather than after they’ve expanded to village proportion. Just grab the lizard and transport him/her to your lovely garden to help control the bugs there? 😳
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rescue operation completed!
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“Relieved”
😊
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I LOVE this
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I am trying not to mention that we just found ANOTHER nest on the other side of the house and it is like the plague…
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Maybe you should meditate on why the wasps are drawn to you in the first place!
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LOL. Gus took them out? Find a friendly pet remover to get rid of the lizard.
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he has been rescued. but I am wondering what comes next…
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Hopefully, freedom
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Wild creatures are naturally drawn to your presence. It’s some sort of call of the wild thing, Violet, embrace it and open a nature reserve!
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thank you for this wise words Ms Haydon.
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it worries me that it’s about the sting.
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Hi Violet.
Just wanted to pop you a quick message to say I’ve reviewed Love Me Tinder on RinseBeforeUse. We saw the show last night. Great stuff :
https://rinsebeforeuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/20/review-love-me-tinder-violet-online-rebooted/
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My first night in my new home, freshly single, I was confronted with a parktown prawn. In my living room. How to deal with that?
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haha leave the house never come back
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