You look absolutely divine, I told my friend over lunch. She’s been on a diet, lost a few kilos, and really, looks amazing.

I was a little disappointed when she didn’t tell me I looked amazing too.

Because I am a bit obsessed with skinny.

I SHOULDN’T BE, it’s unhealthy, it’s ridiculous, it’s crazy and it’s UNPC. I should be all embracing of curves and plump and adipose tissue, and also who cares if our tummies are slightly round, but – blah blah blah boring – I care.

I like thin.

It’s not that I don’t eat. I do. I love chocolate and ice-cream and all things sweet and delicious, but when I eat them, I try really hard not to eat anything else.

I skip my meals.

It’s a bit of a disorder, apparently. Unhealthy. And obsessive.

I used to be rounder – see, I can’t even use the word fat – FAT FAT, I hate it – and you know, I am just happy, fabulously unbelievably fantastically so much happier thin.

I think all women are. Even when they say they’y don’t mind their hips, bumps or lumps and that men like a well rounded arse.

Do men prefer a well rounded arse?

I don’t care.

Thin means control.  It means success. It means happy.

Thin means you can easily wear your little black dress.

So I’m having anxiety because today I’ve already been out for a birthday breakfast and a birthday lunch and tonight I have a dinner date and, it’s dinner – I have to goddam eat.

Because there is nothing worse than going on a date with a woman who just orders salad without salad dressing and then picks at it.

And purses her lips at dessert.

BUT I don’t want to eat a third meal. I didn’t even want to eat the second.

Although they were both delicious and I couldn’t resist the cake and the dessert and now I’m trying to squeeze into my dress and I can’t get the zip up and oh hang on, I’m just going to have a bite of that doughnut, help.


Help. It’s unhealthy.  And silly.

And I should be over this fat thing.



31 thoughts on “Zips

  1. “Diet”…(starvation) is a trade off? Eat less or do more are the only options for weight control. NO ONE loves eating any more than I do, and giving up what I love is painfully difficult to accept. I feel your pain, and sympathize with the dilemma you face! You’re not alone on this one…🍕🍗🍲🍔🌮🍟🍤🍝🍰🍩🍪🍨🍾

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I wasn’t sure if I should ‘like’ this phase you’re going through! 😛 Well, what the heck, just go enjoy those dinners and fill your tummy up with wonderful food. You’re over with the rounder phase. Fly away out of your insecurities, and maintain a healthy routine now!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I SO relate to this post! I like being thin it makes me feel in control and it means I can wear all my skinny clothes and look good in them. I was told while I was in treatment for bulimia that I would know when I was completely in recovery as I wouldn’t care what size I was. I doubt I will ever get there… But when I was weighed at the doctor the other day I was only 46 kilos 103 pounds whereas I thought I was back up to 115 pounds. I do control my food still so like you I hate going out for 3 meals in a row! My new ambition is to have a baby so I’ve been told I can’t lose any more weight or it won’t happen. At least my eating disorder is now recovered enough for me to consider getting pregnant before that was an impossibility.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Since I’ve lost weight I feel almost the same way, but am happy with my “curves” because I really can’t do anything about them – not my body type… But I eat that same way. Tonight I am going out to dinner to have pizza and then a comedy club with drinks. I don’t want to eat anything before then either.

    Have fun at dinner 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I would like to be a bit thinner but hey, I like my food too much, I eat what I want and I suppose I’m lucky that my weight has stayed pretty much the same my whole adult life – around ten stone, give or take the odd few pounds. I’ll have to do this in stones, don’t do pounds or kilos. My lightest was after my eldest was born – eight and a half stone – I looked awful, nine months of morning sickness, not recommended. Then my next was a girl, nine months of no morning sickness, I reached my heaviest – 13 stone – way too heavy. Did take a while to get back to my usual weight but then I wasn’t trying to lose it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m not over the FAT THING. I’ve lost 20 pounds since August and have another 20 to go. It sucks. It’s hard. I wish we could all just LOVE ourselves at any weight.


  7. I wholeheartedly agree with you that you shouldn’t care. Love your body, curvy, skinny, whatever way makes YOU happy, yadda, yadda, yadda. Doesn’t work – I feel the same way as you. I don’t want to be skinny, but I do want to be thin. Just a little off the bottom, maybe a trim around the thighs. I hate myself for it, I feel like I’m betraying my beliefs. But there it is.

    But I’ve got to say I’ve never lost more weight in a healthy way WITHOUT FUCKING TRYING than by going vegan. Seriously. I’m 2 stone lighter. I eat more now than I did before and I don’t exercise any more than I did.

    I went vegan for the animals and the planet, but this is a pleasant side effect.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve been really heavy and really thin, and all sizes in between. Had a not insubstantial gain over the past year and am fighting to even WANT to lose it. I still look good…enough, lol. But your thought ~

    “…and you know, I am just happy, fabulously unbelievably fantastically so much happier thin.”

    It’s the bottom line truth for me, too. Fuck.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I was cooking some tacos at work in the kitchenette before the clock started ticking. I asked one of my colleagues if she wanted one or two. She fumed:
    “I’m gaining weight. (Then, more or less to someone who wasn’t there, I imagine,) “You can’t say I’m fat because I’m a girl!”
    Poor baby (really.) Those jackasses no longer present are louder than those potential allies who are.


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