I’m on a kind of detox.
Apart from all the wild drugs that I’ve stopped injecting and the copious magnums of champagne I am not drinking, I’m also not dating.
I am spending time alone, looking within, meditating, breathing slowly and drinking fruit juice.
I’ve deleted the dating app off my phone and blocked numbers of any men who may tempt me.
Instead of dabbling in online extra murals I spend my days in a healthy manner.
I wake up, take out my gym clothes, squeeze oranges, wander around the house, open my computer, close my computer, check the fridge, stare aimlessly into space, moisturise, open and close again, check my neck for wrinkles, read, nap and yawn.
It’s very fucking boring.
I was doing quite well until the phone rang. I answered, mostly because I had nothing else to do. It was an old gay friend; I figured I was safe.
He sounded super excited.
Hi. I did not sound as excited.
I have someone here who wants to talk to you . You’re never going to believe who it is, jeez!
He handed the phone over. I didn’t know who it could be and didn’t care that much, suffering from severe men phone computer withdrawal stuff.
Violet. Is that really you? You won’t believe it, this is X.
Twenty years, I thought. Twenty years, at least. Sweet Goddesses.
I’d had this huge crush on X when I was younger. He was older than me and I was never even sure he knew I existed. Except for the day that I left Zimbabwe. I had a book for all my friends to write messages in. Goodbye messages. X took over a whole page and I remember feeling so excited.
ButI went to live in a foreign country and that was the end of my crush on X.
On the phone.
While I was on a man detox.
What is a girl supposed to do?
Can we meet, he asked. I would so love to see you, would be amazing to catch up.
I thought about him. It would be cool, sure, to see someone from another life.
I thought about my skin that didn’t really need more moisturising. The opening and closing couldn’t be good for my Mac. And I never wanted to squeeze another bloody orange.
But I also looked at the gym clothes that were lying on my bed .The ones that I never got to put on.
I did not need X in my life. At that moment. But I did need to get to the gym.
Hey, it’s good to hear from you, I said. But I’m kinda busy now. Leave me your number though, maybe I’ll call you back.
And I headed off to gym.
The start of my real detox.
Which I gotta say, feels pretty damn good.