It’s confession time.

I drink a ton of coffee.
I quite like sugar.
I have a whisky, or two, almost every evening.
And I take half a sleeping tablet at night before I go to bed.

But when a friend of mine said Violet, you have dependency issues, you’re an addict and you need to get help, rehab help, I got really pissed off.

I love my coffee. I hang out in coffee shops, I write, I order another coffee, I work, I sip, I love it. And it’s just coffee for goodness sake.

Sugar, well, I know I shouldn’t, but you know, a piece of red velvet cake with my coffee every now and again is very nice. And it isn’t every day and hey, it’s not gonna kill me.

Whisky – come on, my Dad’s been having a whisky every night for the last 70 years and he’s (mostly) okay.

It’s the sleeping tablets that are the bigger problem.

Yes. My name is Violet and I am an addict.

And I get that I’m talking exactly like an addict but hey, does it matter so much? Half a tablet a night? For the last five years?  They’re also not gonna kill me.

Are they?

I mean, they might be why I’m a little bit ditzy and forgetful, also why I struggle to wake up in the mornings, but you know –

I only take half.

And I do at least sleep.

But according to my friend I should be getting medical help, therapy and treatment because all these terrible things I do mean I have dependency issues, I am a dependent person, I use crutches, I am an addict, my life will be shorter, ruined, I will die…


Am I in denial?

I genuinely don’t think, apart from the stilnox and even them, that any of these things are soooooo bad for me.

Anyway, I climbed the moral high ground and smugly told him I flushed the pills down the toilet.

Which I did in a very brave and mad moment.


He yelled at me.

Are you nuts mad, come on Violet, what’s wrong with you, how can you flush them down the loo?

Hey, calm down, I said. I thought you’d be proud of me.

You’ve put them in our water supply you idiot. You’ve put them in MY water supply.


I did.

And I’m sorry but not sorry.  I hope he sleeps really well.

And stops telling me I have a problem.


48 thoughts on “Addiction

  1. I’m an addict….an addict in recovery (6 years clean from cocaine), but once an addict always an addict. My addiction was highly controlled – once a week or less, but for about 6 years….

    Good for you for getting rid of the sleeping pills, but know you’ll want them back…being dependent on something for so long makes for a pretty big struggle when you try to be done with it….hugs !!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Why is it when someone mentions the word “addiction” everyone starts looking for assumptions to imply, and begin applying their personal struggles to your life? Bottom line…is Violet happy?


  3. Dependency issues? The intention is definitely one that means we’ll; however, the end result is you conforming to standards of society. You are a writer and this is your regiment. If you feel that any one or all of these contribute to an unhealthy you, start curtailing. Coffee keep you up. Whisky makes you sleepy. Sleeping pills make you sleepy. It’s hard to wake up in the morning and be productive early; therefore,you drink mass (more in Spanish) coffee. See the pattern. Doing a bit of algebra and cancelling out one or the other dependency could allow you to freestyle your dependency. Though you won’t have all of them at the same tyme, you will be able to mix them up and enjoy them nevertheless. And you will have your better health and the fulfillment, of which, you love.


    1. thank you and that is a really good detailed account. ii do think that whether you are a writer / mechanic / plumber / teacher / doctor – the same should apply for all. if it works for you, it works. if it is impacting on your life, unhealthy or dangerous, then it is time to get help.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The problem, as I see it, is being told by someone else what you should do with your life. If you mull it over, and decide to cut some things out, it’s your decision. And, it will only work if it’s for you, not him, or anyone else. Maybe you just need to ask him to keep his opinions to himself while you decide what to do with your routine — change it, keep it the same, or change up your friends : – ). I’m sure he thought he was just being helpful, and turns out he was, just not in the way he might want. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s a tough one. If I was doing the things you’re doing I wouldn’t consider myself to have an addiction. A bit of coffee, whisky, sugar and sleeping pills isn’t necessarily an addiction. But it could be.

    Years ago, I felt like I had a dependency. I won’t tell you what it was, but I had to do it. Every day, sometimes often. It was eating into work time. That’s what made me decide to give it up.

    I stopped immediately. I went cold turkey, and I’m a happier, more productive me. Was I addicted? I gave it up pretty easily if I was, so I guess not. The point is, if it’s not affecting you and you’re aware of what you’re doing then don’t feel like you have to justify your actions.

    On the other hand, if you feel like maybe you should give these things up but you can’t, then there are people out there that can help.


    Liked by 1 person

  6. We are all addicts and we all have problems. We are too passive-aggressive, we drink too much, we are too sad, etc. take your pick of problems. I’m lazy. So what? I work really hard for a while and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

    Besides, the math of the upper and the downers cancel each other out, right?

    I’ve (personally) eliminated the poisonous people from my life and enjoy my coffee and whisky. Now if I could just get out of bed….


  7. I was kinda shocked by your friend’s concerns. Guess it’s nice he feel comfortable enough to share them with you, though? My own personality tends to be an addictive one, but, I frequently take sleeping pills, end my evenings with a night cap, require copious amounts of coffee to function and do not consider that in any way out of control or addicted?! If that’s denial please leave me to it since I’m well rested, relaxed and awake.


  8. I hope you do not withdraw from the sudden lack of the half pill. I’m an insomniac, been through every trick naturally, medically and medicinally and I need a lot to sleep and be functional. I have literally gone a week without sleep if I did not take anything and I take a decent amount.


      1. You too:) We all get a name and someone to shame us for it at times. It is better knowing everyone has a story.


  9. Half a sleeping tablet!

    No self respecting substance abuser would admit to such kindergarten practice.. The effort alone to stand up, find a sharp object, cut in 2 equal parts, ending up with active ingredient “crumbs” everywhere…fuck, how tedious. Enough to put yourself to sleep. (The correct way, of course, is to take 2 x whole, and knock it back with a double whiskey.)

    Now one of my best friends is a drug addict; oops, sorry, I mean has a substance abuse issue, and she has done some good street cred time in rehab, and she’s always going on about the 2 most important things you learn in the 3 very expensive weeks you spend there. So listen up carefully, and save yourself about 50 grand. The majority of programmes are designed to last about 3 weeks, after which they have max’d out your medical aid, who typically allow one “admission” per year. A fabulous businesses model; no guarantee of success, except a virtual guarantee of doing repeat business the following year. For thiose without medical insurance, tough shit. Destroy your family financially and emotionally, and then die a slow and miserable death.

    As for the 2 most important lessons:

    1) You know you’re an addict when your life becomes “unmanageable”. Violet, don’t think you qualify here; you make it to the coffee shop every morning and manage to produce a spunky and spanky blog that miserable no-lifer middle-aged fucks like me take to bed every night.

    2) That addiction is a “progressive” disease. You “use”, give up, “pick up” again at a higher rate, and so on and so on, until you die. Again, Violet,you don’t qualify; you maintain a half dose every evening. Your friend, with respect, is a bit of a drama queen.

    Now, believe it or not, all of the above was a diversion. My main and only reason for writing was to point out that , in my creepy and seedy view, my favourite sex blogger is now resorting to cheap tricks. Headlining the blog “Addiction” was a shrewd move. I immediately got excited, and skimmed the piece 3 times. And once more, to make sure. Palms sweaty, blood pressure elevated, knees throbbing, a touch of anticipatory nausea. But it was true. Not one word about what I imagine your devoted clan were surely most interested in. Sex Addiction.

    Violet, you left me high and dry.


  10. Very interesting. I appreciate your honesty and point of view. The picture at the end speaks loud. Consciously or subconsciously. I wish I could read between the lines on a piece like this. It left me wondering, do you really believe your an addict?


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