It’s confession time.
I drink a ton of coffee.
I quite like sugar.
I have a whisky, or two, almost every evening.
And I take half a sleeping tablet at night before I go to bed.
But when a friend of mine said Violet, you have dependency issues, you’re an addict and you need to get help, rehab help, I got really pissed off.
I love my coffee. I hang out in coffee shops, I write, I order another coffee, I work, I sip, I love it. And it’s just coffee for goodness sake.
Sugar, well, I know I shouldn’t, but you know, a piece of red velvet cake with my coffee every now and again is very nice. And it isn’t every day and hey, it’s not gonna kill me.
Whisky – come on, my Dad’s been having a whisky every night for the last 70 years and he’s (mostly) okay.
It’s the sleeping tablets that are the bigger problem.
Yes. My name is Violet and I am an addict.
And I get that I’m talking exactly like an addict but hey, does it matter so much? Half a tablet a night? For the last five years? They’re also not gonna kill me.
I mean, they might be why I’m a little bit ditzy and forgetful, also why I struggle to wake up in the mornings, but you know –
I only take half.
And I do at least sleep.
But according to my friend I should be getting medical help, therapy and treatment because all these terrible things I do mean I have dependency issues, I am a dependent person, I use crutches, I am an addict, my life will be shorter, ruined, I will die…
Am I in denial?
I genuinely don’t think, apart from the stilnox and even them, that any of these things are soooooo bad for me.
Anyway, I climbed the moral high ground and smugly told him I flushed the pills down the toilet.
Which I did in a very brave and mad moment.
BUT APPARENTLY THAT IS WORSE THAN TAKING THE FUCKING THINGS.
He yelled at me.
Are you nuts mad, come on Violet, what’s wrong with you, how can you flush them down the loo?
Hey, calm down, I said. I thought you’d be proud of me.
You’ve put them in our water supply you idiot. You’ve put them in MY water supply.
And I’m sorry but not sorry. I hope he sleeps really well.
And stops telling me I have a problem.