Things I dislike.

I do not like men who boast, who are aggressive, who have food in their beards, get into fights, treat women badly, have sweaty handshakes, miss the toilet seat, leave pubic hair everywhere, forget to use deodorant and kiss badly.

I do not like men who promise to call but don’t.

And I do not like men who tell lies.

The guy with the pink couch is none of the above. He doesn’t have a beard, he’s always immaculately clean, kind and super bright, and he has never lied to me.

In fact he has been blatantly honest.

‘I sometimes disappear for days, Violet. Sometimes for weeks. It is not about you, you need to know that.’

I said okay, that it kinda suited me, sure I get it, no problem, I’m a big girl, anything goes, no problem.

But now he has disappeared.

And even though I had said okay and even though I knew it was going to happen and even though I expected it to happen, I still dislike it.

And I mostly dislike myself for repeating patterns.

All the bloody time.

The pattern of falling back into the pattern of a yes / no / sometimes relationship. I have to remember it does not work for me. I am too soft. I am too sensitive.

And even if he says it is not about me, of course I think it is about me.

I deserve better.  And I have to remember that. It’s the age old adage of learning to love yourself and I am not fucking sure how to do that and sometimes I think I do, but honestly, I don’t even know what that means.

But I am going to try.

So watch out gentlemen.

The next man I’m with gets to marry me.

There will be a wedding with a beautiful dress and flowers and cake and friends and love.

And I am the only one who gets to disappear.

That’s all.


29 thoughts on “Things I dislike.

  1. How much compromise is enough? Zero is unrealistic but I doubt many people err that way. Most people I know compromise too much. Rooted in wanting to be liked. I’m working on it too. Aren’t we all?


  2. Also accepting what we dislike is often because we have a nagging doubt that we should be “better”. If I was better then this wouldn’t bother me. You don’t need to be fucking better. You are fine as you are. And if people don’t like it they can take their judgement elsewhere.


      1. I dont tbink anyone has ever suggested that acceptimg yourself means that Mr or Mrs Perfect suddenly appears out of nowhere. Of course not. But it sure as hell makes you easier to get along with so you shorten the odds. Second, accepting yourself gives you the guts to say what you want so the wrong people dont mistakenly think youre right for them. Pink couch man thought you were cool with him when you were not. Third, the definition of perfect is a bit flaky at best. Accepting yourself (with your own flaws) makes you less judgemental so theres more wriggle room. I tend to think its a case of figuring what the essentials are and knowing what you will let ride. And double standards are a killer. We can be awkward sods and want conflicting things. Then you have to be happy with the thing youre getting and live with the disappointment of the thing that lacks, inevitably. And so what if it never comes together? I would rather be alone that glued into another disrespectful tryst.


  3. How can you dislike men who miss the toilet seat? That multiple streams thing where neither stream goes in I thought was quite a particular talent. C’mon. Where’s the artist in ya?


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