Yesterday I mentioned sleeping with a doctor and a friend of mine immediately told me not to.
They’re useless in the sack, Violet, nobody wants to have sex with a doctor.
Okay, I thought. I could try and prove him wrong, but this friend of mine, well, he is usually right about everything. So, I cancelled the doctor and thought about other potential liaisons.
Who is good in bed? Is it a particular kinda guy?
I went through the various professions.
Pilots. Usually good. But they’re all cunts so they don’t count. (2)
Teachers. Boring. (1)
Bikers. Dirty. (2)
Waiters. Eager. And Willing. (4)
Politicians. Cunts. (1)
Artists. Useless and cuntish. (1)
Actors: Never date an actor. (1 x ex-husband)
Dentists: Hahahahahahaha why would you do that? (0)
Soldiers: Definitely. But who meets soldiers anymore? (1 x Israeli, 2?)
Chefs: Yes. On the kitchen table. Against the fridge. In the pantry. (1)
Farmers: Yes. In the cowshed, in the cotton fields, against a tractor. (1)
Spies: Yes. Except they only want anal. (2)
Sorry guys, I’m giggling, I know this is the worst post ever written but I’ve loved writing it.
And as you can see, I’m open to sleeping with mostly anyone. And looking forward to having great sex in 2016.
But not with accountants. Or doctors.
And I don’t much care for Germans either.