Yesterday I mentioned sleeping with a doctor and a friend of mine immediately told me not to.

They’re useless in the sack, Violet, nobody wants to have sex with a doctor.

Okay, I thought. I could try and prove him wrong, but this friend of mine, well, he is usually right about everything. So, I cancelled the doctor and thought about other potential liaisons.

Who is good in bed? Is it a particular kinda guy?

I went through the various professions.

Pilots.            Usually good. But they’re all cunts so they don’t count. (2)

Teachers.      Boring. (1)

Bikers.           Dirty. (2)

Waiters.        Eager. And Willing. (4)

Politicians.   Cunts. (1)

Artists.          Useless and cuntish. (1)

Actors:          Never date an actor. (1 x ex-husband)

Dentists:       Hahahahahahaha why would you do that? (0)

Salesmen:     Nope.

Soldiers:        Definitely. But who meets soldiers anymore? (1 x Israeli, 2?)

Chefs:            Yes. On the kitchen table. Against the fridge. In the pantry. (1)

Farmers:       Yes. In the cowshed, in the cotton fields, against a tractor. (1)

Spies:             Yes. Except they only want anal. (2)

Firemen:       Duuh.

Sorry guys, I’m giggling, I know this is the worst post ever written but I’ve loved writing it.

And as you can see, I’m open to sleeping with mostly anyone. And looking forward to having great sex in 2016.

But not with accountants. Or doctors.

And I don’t much care for Germans either.


26 thoughts on “Lovers

  1. In my view, one of your best Violet. Could prove to be a classic. Little hurt, though, that fat Jewish men in Seapoint don’t even get the honour of a rejection. Happy hunting for 2016.


  2. I agree with the comment above, you really are missing an engineer on that least! Usually pretty fucking hot sex.
    I honestly loved this post, one day I’ll write one of these, just need more experience haha
    Happy new year!!!!


  3. Engineers are really eager in trying and really horny… lol I have one home… 😉😃 love this post…so funny in sarcastic way… just made my day…
    Happy new year my dear friend… may all your dreams come true. 🎉🎊🎈😊🌹


  4. Omg I was just thinking about professions the other day! I think entertainment was my biggest category. Actors, radio guys, guys working in the industry. Ugh.
    I’m not looking to add to any or find new categories in ’16. I wish you much success and adventure this year 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. First I would say don’t leave one profession (doctors) out if you have no experience and NO I am not a doctor.
    Second don’t think of just soldiers, think of veterans. They have survived and have the will power and stamina to see things through to the very end. 😉


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