Sam, Joe and Assad

‘Violet, how many men have you slept with?’

This question, completely out of the blue, came from my best friend forever, the prude.

It’s none of your fucking business,’ I replied.

But then, I couldn’t resist.

Oh, what the hell, let’s count.

I remembered the guy that I’d lost my virginity with, the gorgeous (sleazy) Moroccan in Israel.  He’d taken me to his little house, thrown a red scarf over the bedside lamp and helped me do what I wanted to do, with great ease. He was so good that I hadn’t noticed the dirty sheets or used condoms in the bathroom.

My two girlfriends were with me in Israel and we all lost our virginity on the same night.

To different men!

That was a long time ago and we’re all still good friends.  It’s a real bonding thing, having sex for the first time in next door rooms.

And then I thought about my encounters after that. The one night stands while travelling through Europe, the bumbling relationships back home, the waiter, oh my the waiter, the experiments, the one much older man and the game ranger, oh dear sweet goddesses I remember the game ranger.

And the idea that all these sexual encounters meant something.

It was easy, back then, to mistake sex for love.

After that – marriage and a different kind of sex and intimacy – and then, sadly -divorce.

More new bumbling relationships, more one night stands, definitely more experiments. Which are all a lot more interesting when you’re older.

Although it is still easy to mistake sex for love.

The memories brought some tears.

But they also brought back amazing moments. Because you know, each encounter did mean something. Each one brought a bit of growth, new experience and a whole lot of new emotions.

Also – I remembered the name of every single guy.

Of course, I ran out of fingers and thumbs and had to get pen and paper for my list. And I insisted she made a list too.

I’m delighted to say, her list was also pretty damn long.

What I loved most is that there was no shame. Just fabulous stories of Sam and Joe and Assad and the guy with long hair whose name I can’t remember and the Dutch guy and the French guy and oh my god that guy in Egypt and the fireman and you know what, I think I may have to find the fireman again.

And also, to know that there will still be more.  Maybe not too many more because it would be nice to find love again.

Which I will keep looking for.

As well as, I imagine, making a whole lot of new mistakes along the way.


20 thoughts on “Sam, Joe and Assad

  1. Dear Violet, your life is soooo exciting. It’s clear that I have quite a bit of catching up to do. However with my track record with men I might need more than this lifetime to match you.


  2. I have a big number and I too mistakenly thought sex was love early on. I also went through an odd marriage and a seemingly constantly her trying to do get me pissed and try harder when I callee often, sent her wonderful poems in emails and touched base often but she changed, then she was playing around and it went on and on. It sucked as I never knew what was real. Right before we separated as our lease was up, she found a one bedroom for herself and did not know that I knew she did she literally asked me 5 days before to write an ad on Cl to get a girl fir us t threeway. I was like what is wrong with you , you’re separating from me, have been constantly on the phone with another guy and want me to do anything with you and almost every night she wanted to have me to swahili dances with her. She was messed up in the head about reality.


  3. You know what I love? I love how you highlight the good ones and dismiss the bad ones. My list is very, fucking, damn long, and the bad definitely outweigh the good, and I’m wondering if your’s was the same Moroccan in Israel, and my bumbling ones were pretty strange, and I cannot, for the life of me remember all their names, but you have let me look back, and laugh and be proud.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. That was a wonderful, wonderful piece of writing. And while we realize that sex for the wrong reasons is detrimental to our soul there are so many times it provides just the right nourishment at a time when it is needed. As I tell my daughters having sex for the wrong reasons (trying to feel better about yourself, trying to get a man, trying to get even, etc) chips away at your soul while sex for the right reasons adds to it. I hope when my daughters have sex it adds to their souls.


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