I don’t know anyone who has just one cup of coffee in the morning, says no to a second glass of wine at lunch and doesn’t have sex on the first date.
These things take great courage.
Which is a bit like being a writer and working alone. One needs to be disciplined.
It helps to start off by getting out of bed. And then having a couple of rules which differ, depending on if you work from home or a coffee shop.
If you work from home, it’s important to wear the right pajamas. Men’s flannel PJ’s for winter are great, while silk boxer shorts and topless are good for summer.
Whatever you wear, it must be loose fitting. Easy for naps and easy too in case you need to do any kind of, um, sexual research.
Work with your dog. It can be lonely working from home and dogs are the best company. Also, they’re good for writer’s block.
Walking a dog is a nice distraction.
I do it at least three times a day.
Do not ever get a cat. You’ll be so busy Instagramming the damn thing that you won’t get any work done, ever.
You cannot work from home without great coffee. I like the Nespresso machines. They’re cute, sexy, and fill your home with inspiring aromas. Vanilla is especially helpful if you’re writing erotica and Colombian is good for horror. Caramelito will probably just send you back to bed, but hey, bed!
You may, of course, be an accountant, in which case I recommend decaffeinated.
And then there’s working in coffee shops.
It’s important to choose your shop carefully. I have a favorite but have had to learn certain skills. Getting a table at my trendy little shop can be a bit like the Hunger Games. People wait, using their Macbooks as weapons, ready to push anyone out their way as they race to their table.
You have to be fierce.
I’ve been known to trip up women in Louboutins if they try grab my regular spot. Or if they sit near an outlet and don’t use it!
How dare they.
And then – always position your laptop well. I used to get embarrassed when people saw me on Facebook, Twitter or Tumbler, and I’ve heard the whispers.
‘Jeez, she’s always on Facebook.’
But I don’t mind anymore. I’ve learned that everyone is always on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. It’s just how we work; it’s why we write for Goodness sake
Writing can be terrifying.
You never quite know when the next paycheck is coming in or if you can afford to buy that new frock.
But you can also push the snooze button 15 times in the morning.
Which I love.
See you in a while. Five more minutes…