Oh my God! My phone has been doing this really weird thing today. It’s been like shaking, jumping around, and mostly, it’s been making a helluva noise.
Kinda like an insane ringing noise
Like those old days. When people used to call each other.
Oh. Dammit. Dammit. That’s exactly what it was.
Someone has been trying to call me!
WHAT THE FUCK? Who could this person be? Don’t they know the rules? No-one uses the phone to actually phone anymore.
Unless it’s the Receiver of Revenue, my dad or my ex-husband.
Anyway, it kept doing this crazy ringing thing so I figured it must be an emergency.
I put my anxiety aside, did some yogic breathing and picked it up.
‘H e l l o.’
There was that kind of awkward death moment between saying nothing and saying hello and then not knowing what to say at all.
It was an old friend. He was phoning to say he was pissed of with me. That he was sick and tired of us not connecting in real life.
That he wanted the real deal.
I panicked. What kind of monsters use the phone?
I mean. I love him. I love chatting to him. On my blog. On Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. But – for real? On the phone. Voice to voice.
It’s kinda asking too much these days, isn’t it?
No-one talks on the phone anymore. But he was insistent and so for the sake of friendship I agreed to pop a few xanax over the next coupla days and call him. It would be a big step for me.
I absolutely hate phone calls.
Unless it’s one of those phone calls. A late night phone call with a new lover. When you lean back against the pillows and chat dreamily for hours and hours, and your voice is seductive and his is sexy and you smile dreamily and chat and slowly your eyes close and the phone falls out of your hand onto the pillow, and you’re radiant and dreaming and oh my gosh delicious while you’re falling, falling…
I absolutely love those phone calls. Everyone does!