I wrote this to help my girlfriend. The one that was such a bad flirt:-
- Be friendly for fucks sake.
- Bare your teeth.
- Do not leave men bleeding to death on sidewalks.
- Use those big blue eyes to your advantage.
- Try hard not to roll them.
- Wiggling your nose is cute.
- But snorting and sneering are not.
- A bit of lipstick and a splash of perfume are both useful.
- So is a wonderbra.
- Try a nurse’s uniform.
- Whisper, don’t yell.
- Do not punch men, even when they catcall.
- Smile coquettishly when they do catcall.
- Count yourself lucky that they still catcall.
- Accept gifts if they are being offered.
- And do not yawn, even when the gift is on bloodstained paper.
I thought I should ask her what she figured was the best way to flirt. Her answer:-
- Get drunk, it’s the only way.
And maybe she’s right. The pathetic loser in the yellow t-shirt has been trying to call her.