When I first met my ‘friend with benefits’ he put his hand on my knee, looked me in the eye and asked me very seriously — ‘Violet, do you know what you’re getting into here?’
‘Of course,’ I replied super confidently, crossing my legs, showing off my bare legs, my new shoes and a hint of underwear.
The idea of seeing this gorgeous man every now and again for great sex appealed to me. He wasn’t the marrying kind. There would be no strings attached, no rules, just fun.
I liked the idea of ‘no strings’.
And for the next few weeks it was wonderful. We’d see each other once a week, sometimes twice. It was exciting, we never spoke about the weather and the sex was fantastic. We were friends, there was never tension, it was easy.
He had made it clear from the beginning though — ‘This is not about love, Violet’. He’d also made it clear that in-between seeing one another there would be ‘no questions’.
‘Anything else I do is not your issue. I may be with another man or a woman, but that is not your problem’.
‘Yes’, I’d said, rolling my eyes. ‘I know that’.
I had thought – Jeez, this man is arrogant — but it kinda suited me.
Also, I didn’t think he would be with anyone else. I am enough for one man.
Slowly we also started meeting for the odd lunch, dinner too, and while we didn’t talk about the weather it wasn’t only about sex.
I was starting to fall in love.
One night I suggested he get me a toothbrush to keep in his bathroom. He gave me an Airline toothbrush, from one of his business trips.
Another day I suggested a dog walk. He declined politely saying ‘That’s not really my thing, Violet’.
And when I suggested spooning after three orgasms he smiled and said, ‘I’m just not the spooning kind, sweetheart’.
Oddly I had never been the spooning kind either. But suddenly I wanted to spoon.
I ended the relationship. I could see it was never going to go anywhere. One person always falls in love. One person always wants more. One person was always going to get heartbroken and it was not going to be him.
When I think back, I’m not sure how I ever thought it would work.
Except – I miss him. I miss the sex. I miss the friendship.
I might try it again